I was trackting out some houses yesterday when i came across an old man in his house wearing nothing but his white underpants. He saw me and my comp, looked us up and down, then shouted at us, "come in and close the f'n door'.
To which I said, "ok!"
I was so excited because we had been knocking on doors all day, and no one had let us in and we were freezing!!!
Anyway, Grunald, that's the old guy's name sat us down and before we could say anything, he started to tell us about the rest of the story. I said, "Grunald, what is the rest of the story that you keep talking about?"
Then he told me.
"You see, Elders, you haven't heard about the rest of the story with Jesus' first job. Jesus was a sheppard, but he really, really, really sucked at math. In the olden days, before they had math, the sheppards would get dizzy trying to keep track of their flocks.
So one day, Jesus was walking and tending his sheep, the sheep would go, baaa, baaa!!! and that would drive Jesus crazy. Anyway, Jesus counted all his sheep that he was sheeping, 100. He was responsible for 100 sheep. That's the way they did it in those days.
Jesus noticed that on this day, there were only 99 sheep. 1 sheep was missing. Jesus did not know what to do. Should he go and look for the 1 sheep? Or should he make sure the 99 are safe? He did not know what to do.
That's when the story takes a turn for the worst. Jesus, because he sucked at math, decided to go and get the 1 sheep. He left the other 99 to die without him, because they surely would be eaten by the hungry sheep eaters across the way.
Jesus tried to count, he tried and tried, and every time he tried, he came up with 1 being a bigger number than 99. So he left to get the 1. He was gone the whole day trying to get the 1. When he came back, the other 99 were dead. Most of the sheep had been eaten, or run oft.
Then Jesus looked up and down and said, "I am not a very good sheppard at all".
He was fired that very day, and he had to beg for his bread for the rest of his life. He would go to town to town to town begging for bread and telling people tales so they would give him bread.
That's the rest of the story."
I then asked him if he wanted to get baptised. He said no, and I said ok.
Mormon stories and Tom Sawyer
I know, I know. You're sitting there thinking to yourself, what the heck is Elder Gandy writing about this time?
I'll tell you what he's writing about; he's writing about the greatest lesson ever told. He's writing about how to influence people and get them to be your friends. He's writing about missionary work.
You see, whenever I'm in teaching mode at a stranger's house, I tell them the most profound spiritual lesson I can. And it goes something like this:
Many, many years ago, before the invention of the motor car, there was a man, a great man with silver lined golden hair, blue eyes that burned like the underbelly of the bright sun, and teeth that were straight as fence posts. That man, no, that incredible man's name was Joseph Smith.
Now let me tell you something, sir (talking to the stranger as I sit on his chair in his house) That man created the greatest religion of all time. And he got people to work, days and days and days, on his church for free. Not just for free, but he got them to pay 10% (and if their really, really righteous, 20%) of all their income to his church. How did, I said how did he do that?
Easy. Joseph Smith was the modern day Tom Sawyer.
You see, Joseph and Tom are very, very similar. Tom Sawyer had to paint a fence. But he didn't want to. It was hard, and the fence smelled. So he had an idea; he would get others to paint the fence for him, and he would not only get them to do the work, he would have them pay to do it. That's right, the workers paid Tom to paint his fence.
How did he do it? Easy. He did it through the spirit.
The spirit knows all. And it knows a good deal when it sees it. Good deals are true, and they are delicious to the taste. So when Joseph Smith had to build his church, he convinced all these people to build it for him, but not only to build it with their own time and resources, but to pay Joseph 10% of all their income, too.
Genius.
That's why Joseph Smith and Tom Sawyer are the greatest minds that have existed in the Western Hemisphere since Sir Albert Einstein. I myself am doing the Prophet Smith proud. I not only work everyday knocking on doors trying to build his church, but I also pay for my expenses out of my own pocket. And on top of that, I make sure to pay 10% of all the money my parents send me to survive to Joseph's Church.
I'll tell you what he's writing about; he's writing about the greatest lesson ever told. He's writing about how to influence people and get them to be your friends. He's writing about missionary work.
You see, whenever I'm in teaching mode at a stranger's house, I tell them the most profound spiritual lesson I can. And it goes something like this:
Many, many years ago, before the invention of the motor car, there was a man, a great man with silver lined golden hair, blue eyes that burned like the underbelly of the bright sun, and teeth that were straight as fence posts. That man, no, that incredible man's name was Joseph Smith.
Now let me tell you something, sir (talking to the stranger as I sit on his chair in his house) That man created the greatest religion of all time. And he got people to work, days and days and days, on his church for free. Not just for free, but he got them to pay 10% (and if their really, really righteous, 20%) of all their income to his church. How did, I said how did he do that?
Easy. Joseph Smith was the modern day Tom Sawyer.
You see, Joseph and Tom are very, very similar. Tom Sawyer had to paint a fence. But he didn't want to. It was hard, and the fence smelled. So he had an idea; he would get others to paint the fence for him, and he would not only get them to do the work, he would have them pay to do it. That's right, the workers paid Tom to paint his fence.
How did he do it? Easy. He did it through the spirit.
The spirit knows all. And it knows a good deal when it sees it. Good deals are true, and they are delicious to the taste. So when Joseph Smith had to build his church, he convinced all these people to build it for him, but not only to build it with their own time and resources, but to pay Joseph 10% of all their income, too.
Genius.
That's why Joseph Smith and Tom Sawyer are the greatest minds that have existed in the Western Hemisphere since Sir Albert Einstein. I myself am doing the Prophet Smith proud. I not only work everyday knocking on doors trying to build his church, but I also pay for my expenses out of my own pocket. And on top of that, I make sure to pay 10% of all the money my parents send me to survive to Joseph's Church.
Mormons were the first Hippies
Sometimes as a missionary for my church I find myself having to teach people some and simple truths.
Joseph Smith was the first hippie. That is a scientific fact. He was a true prophet and he started a counterculture to the status quo of his day and age. He built an intentional community of like-minded individuals where they could practice their alternative lifestyles as they saw fit. They were hippies.
Mormons were the first hippies.
Under the Prophet's direction, they established a new community where the Prophet told us how to live and how to treat each other. It was beautiful. True, the Prophet did establish a new order of marriage, where he could marry many women, but like all true and great men, he found the current trend of one man to one wife to be limiting and not very with the changing times.
He did it. And then his predeccesors moved outside of the United States in order to practice their alternative lifestyle. They formed communities outside the mainstream America and built a system where people truly loved each other.
I am a 5th generation Mormon. I come from this line of counter-culture revolutionaries. And I am so proud of my hippie fore-fathers.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Joseph Smith was the first hippie. That is a scientific fact. He was a true prophet and he started a counterculture to the status quo of his day and age. He built an intentional community of like-minded individuals where they could practice their alternative lifestyles as they saw fit. They were hippies.
Mormons were the first hippies.
Under the Prophet's direction, they established a new community where the Prophet told us how to live and how to treat each other. It was beautiful. True, the Prophet did establish a new order of marriage, where he could marry many women, but like all true and great men, he found the current trend of one man to one wife to be limiting and not very with the changing times.
He did it. And then his predeccesors moved outside of the United States in order to practice their alternative lifestyle. They formed communities outside the mainstream America and built a system where people truly loved each other.
I am a 5th generation Mormon. I come from this line of counter-culture revolutionaries. And I am so proud of my hippie fore-fathers.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
What do Mormons do in Temples
Dear Elder Gandy,
I've been seeing all these temples around, and I know that Mormons go to these temples, but what exactly do Mormons do in temples? - truthfully yours, Mindy Meyers
Dear Sister Meyers,
That is such a great question. What do Mormons do in Temples? Well, what don't they do!! Just kidding, Mormons (of which I am) do many things in the temple, but I'm going to talk about one thing that I really find to be worthy of note.
Temples are for making cookies
If you know of any Mormons, or you have met some, it's only a matter of time until they stop by your house and drop off a plate of cookies. Yum. I know what you're thinking, "did he just say cookies". Yes, I did.
You see, cookies have a spiritual significance for Mormons. Back in the pioneer days, when the Mormons were crossing the plains into the Salt Lake City, they were all out of food. They only had a few cookies left in their treasure chests. So, knowing that they were about to die because they didn't pack much food for their journey, they prayed.
And boy did they pray. They prayed so hard that God answered their prayers. The treasure chest was full of cookies, overflowing to feed all the pioneers until the next spring when they could plant crops.
What does that have to do with the temple?
In the Mormon Temples, they have special baking ceremonies where they make cookies in a special ceremony. It's not secret, it's sugary goodness. And they bake and bake. They bake all night in the temple (the spires are so tall because they are actually chimneys where smoke comes out from the giant ovens). And they bake all the cookies all the time, all day and night long.
You wouldn't believe it, but inside the Temples it's a lot like Willy Wonka's factory, except for chocolate, it's a giant cookie factory.
Then, when Mormons find a new recruit that they want to join the club, they send out a cookie patrol to bring you a fresh baked plate of cookies straight from the special temple ceremonies. Don't worry, they've been blessed. The cookies are made special just for you.
That's what Mormons do in Temples.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
I've been seeing all these temples around, and I know that Mormons go to these temples, but what exactly do Mormons do in temples? - truthfully yours, Mindy Meyers
Dear Sister Meyers,
That is such a great question. What do Mormons do in Temples? Well, what don't they do!! Just kidding, Mormons (of which I am) do many things in the temple, but I'm going to talk about one thing that I really find to be worthy of note.
Temples are for making cookies
If you know of any Mormons, or you have met some, it's only a matter of time until they stop by your house and drop off a plate of cookies. Yum. I know what you're thinking, "did he just say cookies". Yes, I did.
You see, cookies have a spiritual significance for Mormons. Back in the pioneer days, when the Mormons were crossing the plains into the Salt Lake City, they were all out of food. They only had a few cookies left in their treasure chests. So, knowing that they were about to die because they didn't pack much food for their journey, they prayed.
And boy did they pray. They prayed so hard that God answered their prayers. The treasure chest was full of cookies, overflowing to feed all the pioneers until the next spring when they could plant crops.
What does that have to do with the temple?
In the Mormon Temples, they have special baking ceremonies where they make cookies in a special ceremony. It's not secret, it's sugary goodness. And they bake and bake. They bake all night in the temple (the spires are so tall because they are actually chimneys where smoke comes out from the giant ovens). And they bake all the cookies all the time, all day and night long.
You wouldn't believe it, but inside the Temples it's a lot like Willy Wonka's factory, except for chocolate, it's a giant cookie factory.
Then, when Mormons find a new recruit that they want to join the club, they send out a cookie patrol to bring you a fresh baked plate of cookies straight from the special temple ceremonies. Don't worry, they've been blessed. The cookies are made special just for you.
That's what Mormons do in Temples.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
Brothers and Sisters
I gave a talk today in sacrament meeting. It was good. It was about my first month as an LDS missionary. Here's a summary:
Good afternoon brothers and sisters. I never thought I'd make it here today. But, here I am. I am here today to tell you about something super sweet and special. Jesus. You see, brothers and sisters, Jesus is the 'key' to the gospel.
Usually, when I teach people in their homes, they don't really know who Jesus is, so I tell them. Jesus is the 'key', and then I show them my keys to the car I drive. The key unlocks the doors to the car, and then, when you insert the key, you can then turn on the car.
Like the key, Jesus can turn on our engines. He can even rev up our engines, if you will.
(Right in the middle of the talk, I felt prompted by the spirit to change what I was saying midsentence)
Brothers and Sisters, I feel a special feeling that the spirit wants me to say something, something really, really important to someone out there that's listening. I can feel the spirit work through me know...coming up...up to my throat...coming up now....here it is.......
"Do not seek the treasure. Do not seek the treasure. The Eagle is on the Table. The Eagle is on the Table. THE BISHOP'S DAUGHTER IS NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES."
After saying that, I was so overcome by the spirit that I fainted backwards, hitting my head on the wooden chairs right behind me. I started crying and wailing.
It hurt bad, but the spirit had to say what he had to say. I had a big bump on my head the rest of the day (and I kinda threw up all over the bishop because I was so dizzy after hitting my head, but it's ok because he said he could get his clothes dry cleaned).
The spirit is awesome.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Good afternoon brothers and sisters. I never thought I'd make it here today. But, here I am. I am here today to tell you about something super sweet and special. Jesus. You see, brothers and sisters, Jesus is the 'key' to the gospel.
Usually, when I teach people in their homes, they don't really know who Jesus is, so I tell them. Jesus is the 'key', and then I show them my keys to the car I drive. The key unlocks the doors to the car, and then, when you insert the key, you can then turn on the car.
Like the key, Jesus can turn on our engines. He can even rev up our engines, if you will.
(Right in the middle of the talk, I felt prompted by the spirit to change what I was saying midsentence)
Brothers and Sisters, I feel a special feeling that the spirit wants me to say something, something really, really important to someone out there that's listening. I can feel the spirit work through me know...coming up...up to my throat...coming up now....here it is.......
"Do not seek the treasure. Do not seek the treasure. The Eagle is on the Table. The Eagle is on the Table. THE BISHOP'S DAUGHTER IS NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES."
After saying that, I was so overcome by the spirit that I fainted backwards, hitting my head on the wooden chairs right behind me. I started crying and wailing.
It hurt bad, but the spirit had to say what he had to say. I had a big bump on my head the rest of the day (and I kinda threw up all over the bishop because I was so dizzy after hitting my head, but it's ok because he said he could get his clothes dry cleaned).
The spirit is awesome.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Mission Update
Life in the Mission
IT's so so great here!! As you talk to everyone you start to find out everyone is related to everyone!! Someone's boyfriend's sisters aunt's uncles' one legged dogs owner. Or something like that, it's just so funny to me!!!
But the work is already beginning to get rollin here!!! We got a set for baptism this passed week!!!!! He is set for August 2nd, he's in a part-member family and they came to church on Sunday and Had a really good time!!!
It had me on pins and needles before church started because we start at 10 and there was about 20 people in the chapel. I was like darn it, but then through the opening hymn and announcements I looked around and saw two of our investigators and three of our less-active families that we had worked with this passed week!!!
So the sunday turned out to be a really good one!!! This week should be pretty busy as well, we have Zone conference on Tuesday, with our Area 70 visiting, so it should be really good, of course they always are really good. Things are going great here!!!!
Help with sins with the new Purity Reports
Our Mission President is giving us a new assignment: no sins of the heart, and no sins of action. Basically, like Jesus says, if you even think of a sin, it is a sin. Our wonderfull and inspired Mission President wants us all to be so so pure, and to help us, he's established a new protocol: Purity Reports.
All companions have to fill out a Purity Report every night. In the report, we are supposed to let our President know of any sins or transgressions are companions have made during the day. Doing this will grant us the freedom from Sin, and help us all be better missionaries.
This has already transformed the mission. With so many reports coming in everyday, the President had to get 25 new office elders to handle the new work load; it's already paying off!!! The President says that sins are way down, and the spirit is stronger then ever.
I feel so, so good. like I'm really doing the work good and strong. I try not to sin, because my companion is watching, always watching, but I really don't want to sin at all, so no probs.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
IT's so so great here!! As you talk to everyone you start to find out everyone is related to everyone!! Someone's boyfriend's sisters aunt's uncles' one legged dogs owner. Or something like that, it's just so funny to me!!!
But the work is already beginning to get rollin here!!! We got a set for baptism this passed week!!!!! He is set for August 2nd, he's in a part-member family and they came to church on Sunday and Had a really good time!!!
It had me on pins and needles before church started because we start at 10 and there was about 20 people in the chapel. I was like darn it, but then through the opening hymn and announcements I looked around and saw two of our investigators and three of our less-active families that we had worked with this passed week!!!
So the sunday turned out to be a really good one!!! This week should be pretty busy as well, we have Zone conference on Tuesday, with our Area 70 visiting, so it should be really good, of course they always are really good. Things are going great here!!!!
Help with sins with the new Purity Reports
Our Mission President is giving us a new assignment: no sins of the heart, and no sins of action. Basically, like Jesus says, if you even think of a sin, it is a sin. Our wonderfull and inspired Mission President wants us all to be so so pure, and to help us, he's established a new protocol: Purity Reports.
All companions have to fill out a Purity Report every night. In the report, we are supposed to let our President know of any sins or transgressions are companions have made during the day. Doing this will grant us the freedom from Sin, and help us all be better missionaries.
This has already transformed the mission. With so many reports coming in everyday, the President had to get 25 new office elders to handle the new work load; it's already paying off!!! The President says that sins are way down, and the spirit is stronger then ever.
I feel so, so good. like I'm really doing the work good and strong. I try not to sin, because my companion is watching, always watching, but I really don't want to sin at all, so no probs.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
Why Do LDS Missionaries Wear the Same Clothes?
Dear Elder Gandy,
Why do LDS Missionaries wear the Same Clothes? Every LDS missionary I've seen always wears the white shirt and black pants. Why? Is there some kinda strict dress code you have to follow? What if you don't want to wear those clothes? - Minnie S.
My Dear Minnie,
Yes, it's true. LDS Missionaries have to wear the same clothes. They usually wear a white shirt, black pants, a black name tag, a tie, black socks, and some business shoes. Why do we have to wear this?
LDS missionaries are just like the Three Amigos
I'll answer that with a question. Have you ever seen the movie, The Three Amigos? In that movie, you will find your answer. To make a long story short, three amigos, or three friends to us english speakers, had to fight the infamous El Guapo, who was a very evil man set on destroying a small town and eating all of its goats.
But the Three Amigos stood up to El Guapo. How did they do this? Easy, with a trick. The Three Amigos had everyone in the town make costumes just like theirs. So every single person in the town looked just like one of the Three Amigos.
When El Guapo came to town to get the three amigos, they were shocked at seeing all of the 'Amigos' in the town running around, shooting, and going up the stairs. They couldn't believe their eyes, so they kinda went insane. In the process, the town's people shot and killed El Guapo and his men.
What does this have to do with LDS missionaries?
I hope you can see now why every single missionary wears the same clothes. We're all in on a really large trick. We do it to fight El Guapo, or his boss, Satan. You see, in every town, and in every village, you will find LDS missionaries. And in every town, and in every village, they are all dressed the same!
Isn't it wonderful!! We do it so when Satan appears in a town or a village, he'll be like, "No way, I just saw you LDS Missionaries in the other town?! You can't be here and there! Ahhh, I'm going insane!!"
Bam. Dead. We got him. Tricked him so, so hard.
That's why we all dress the same. Just like the Three Amigos, we will shock the Satan. We will get him. And he will be fooled by our clothes and he'll never ever know we're all different people on the inside.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Why do LDS Missionaries wear the Same Clothes? Every LDS missionary I've seen always wears the white shirt and black pants. Why? Is there some kinda strict dress code you have to follow? What if you don't want to wear those clothes? - Minnie S.
My Dear Minnie,
Yes, it's true. LDS Missionaries have to wear the same clothes. They usually wear a white shirt, black pants, a black name tag, a tie, black socks, and some business shoes. Why do we have to wear this?
LDS missionaries are just like the Three Amigos
I'll answer that with a question. Have you ever seen the movie, The Three Amigos? In that movie, you will find your answer. To make a long story short, three amigos, or three friends to us english speakers, had to fight the infamous El Guapo, who was a very evil man set on destroying a small town and eating all of its goats.
But the Three Amigos stood up to El Guapo. How did they do this? Easy, with a trick. The Three Amigos had everyone in the town make costumes just like theirs. So every single person in the town looked just like one of the Three Amigos.
When El Guapo came to town to get the three amigos, they were shocked at seeing all of the 'Amigos' in the town running around, shooting, and going up the stairs. They couldn't believe their eyes, so they kinda went insane. In the process, the town's people shot and killed El Guapo and his men.
What does this have to do with LDS missionaries?
I hope you can see now why every single missionary wears the same clothes. We're all in on a really large trick. We do it to fight El Guapo, or his boss, Satan. You see, in every town, and in every village, you will find LDS missionaries. And in every town, and in every village, they are all dressed the same!
Isn't it wonderful!! We do it so when Satan appears in a town or a village, he'll be like, "No way, I just saw you LDS Missionaries in the other town?! You can't be here and there! Ahhh, I'm going insane!!"
Bam. Dead. We got him. Tricked him so, so hard.
That's why we all dress the same. Just like the Three Amigos, we will shock the Satan. We will get him. And he will be fooled by our clothes and he'll never ever know we're all different people on the inside.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Really Real Truth
I was actively proselyting on the internets yesterday when I came across a person's site that really, really needed the gospel.
Truth is Delicious
He talked all about truth and how people understand truth in the church. That's easy, so I left a comment to tell him exactly what truth is and how to find it.
It's simple, because it comes from above. And by above I mean the attic of the Temple.
From the Temple, we understand the real knowledge of Truth. I call it the Marshmallow Theory of Truth. The Marshmallow theory of truth asserts the following validity claim of knowledge:
Truth is like a Marshmallow; it tastes good. It smells good. And it can help get you friends.
Who doesn't like Marshmallows?
Likewise, when you're camping, you have to place truth, or marshmallows, in between two facts, one on the top, and one on the bottom, of course the facts are graham crackers of reason.
Doing it this way, you have a 'smore' of veracity, which even Satan himself cannot undo.
That's how people see truth. It's simple.
The gospel is all about truth, or marshmallows, that satisfy the soul. Once we understand how yummy and sweet marshmallows can be, we don't ever, ever want to stop eating them. And if we're lucky, we'll be smart enough to use our graham crackers of reason to get a meal from the word of God. It's that simple. Truth is simple, it's not hard. It's soft and white, and sometime after you chew it, it's gummy and delicious.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Truth is Delicious
He talked all about truth and how people understand truth in the church. That's easy, so I left a comment to tell him exactly what truth is and how to find it.
It's simple, because it comes from above. And by above I mean the attic of the Temple.
From the Temple, we understand the real knowledge of Truth. I call it the Marshmallow Theory of Truth. The Marshmallow theory of truth asserts the following validity claim of knowledge:
Truth is like a Marshmallow; it tastes good. It smells good. And it can help get you friends.
Who doesn't like Marshmallows?
Likewise, when you're camping, you have to place truth, or marshmallows, in between two facts, one on the top, and one on the bottom, of course the facts are graham crackers of reason.
Doing it this way, you have a 'smore' of veracity, which even Satan himself cannot undo.
That's how people see truth. It's simple.
The gospel is all about truth, or marshmallows, that satisfy the soul. Once we understand how yummy and sweet marshmallows can be, we don't ever, ever want to stop eating them. And if we're lucky, we'll be smart enough to use our graham crackers of reason to get a meal from the word of God. It's that simple. Truth is simple, it's not hard. It's soft and white, and sometime after you chew it, it's gummy and delicious.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Elder Gandy: Super Missionary
Hello, I'm Elder Gandy, Super Missionary.
That's right, you heard me, Super Missionary.
Why? Cuz I did it, I got my very own baptism yesterday, or dunk, as we missies say. It was a beautiful thing, lemme tell you about it.
Meeting Jolie
Jolie is the very young daughter of Rachel and Mark. Both of whom were really nice, but obviously not prepared for the Lord's true calling, a member of the church.
But they were nice enough to let me teach Jolie, the smartest 8 year old I have ever met. She was a tough sell, as we missionaries say, but well worth it.
The Super Spiritual Experience
My comp and I were visiting Rachel and Mark this past weekend, and while we were there, I bore my testimony super, super hard. It was so hard in fact, that almost everyone was crying, or zoning out, sometimes I can't see so good.
As I was bearing my testimony with a special sauce, I could feel the spirit working inside me, so I just let go and let the spirit talk through me, right to Jolie. In my usual spiritual fashion, I let my eyes roll back into the top of my head, and lifted half of my body off of the ground and put my chest into the air. My arms started to rise up and float next to my body, and I let go.
I let the spirit speak this time. It was truly a gift from God. My voice started to shrill and get higher and higher, and my comp was flicking the lights on and off while I started speaking in my shrill voice:
JOLIEEEEE!!! THOU SHALT BE BAPTIZED INTO MY CHUUUURRRCHH!! THE ONLY TRUEE CHURCH OF GODDDDD!! DO IT OR BE DAMNED BY THE ANGEL WITH THE SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD!!
the spirit was so strong.
Just then, my comp turned the lights off and made a dash to Jolie, where he stood above her and used a flashlight to shine light on his face. He said he was the destroying angel, and if she didn't get baptized, he would take the sword of angel vengeance and visit upon her and her family.
The spirit was really, really strong.
After that, I turned on the lights and saw tears pouring down from Jolies face. She looked at me in my eyes and said, "I'll do it. I'll get baptized."
I knew right then that god answers prayers. Not always on our time table, and maybe not ever in this life, but they are answered. Hard.
Pray for me
- Elder Gandy: Super Missionary
That's right, you heard me, Super Missionary.
Why? Cuz I did it, I got my very own baptism yesterday, or dunk, as we missies say. It was a beautiful thing, lemme tell you about it.
Meeting Jolie
Jolie is the very young daughter of Rachel and Mark. Both of whom were really nice, but obviously not prepared for the Lord's true calling, a member of the church.
But they were nice enough to let me teach Jolie, the smartest 8 year old I have ever met. She was a tough sell, as we missionaries say, but well worth it.
The Super Spiritual Experience
My comp and I were visiting Rachel and Mark this past weekend, and while we were there, I bore my testimony super, super hard. It was so hard in fact, that almost everyone was crying, or zoning out, sometimes I can't see so good.
As I was bearing my testimony with a special sauce, I could feel the spirit working inside me, so I just let go and let the spirit talk through me, right to Jolie. In my usual spiritual fashion, I let my eyes roll back into the top of my head, and lifted half of my body off of the ground and put my chest into the air. My arms started to rise up and float next to my body, and I let go.
I let the spirit speak this time. It was truly a gift from God. My voice started to shrill and get higher and higher, and my comp was flicking the lights on and off while I started speaking in my shrill voice:
JOLIEEEEE!!! THOU SHALT BE BAPTIZED INTO MY CHUUUURRRCHH!! THE ONLY TRUEE CHURCH OF GODDDDD!! DO IT OR BE DAMNED BY THE ANGEL WITH THE SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD!!
the spirit was so strong.
Just then, my comp turned the lights off and made a dash to Jolie, where he stood above her and used a flashlight to shine light on his face. He said he was the destroying angel, and if she didn't get baptized, he would take the sword of angel vengeance and visit upon her and her family.
The spirit was really, really strong.
After that, I turned on the lights and saw tears pouring down from Jolies face. She looked at me in my eyes and said, "I'll do it. I'll get baptized."
I knew right then that god answers prayers. Not always on our time table, and maybe not ever in this life, but they are answered. Hard.
Pray for me
- Elder Gandy: Super Missionary
Happy Father's Day!
I attended church yesterday and I thought a lot about my father, not really my imperfect, tired, sometimes drunk on cupcakes, earthly father, but my heavenly father. Heavnely Father is perfect in every way, and he will never, ever touch you in your bathing suit area at night when the lights are out. Ever.
It was a super terrific meeting.
There were some great talks given during sacrament meeting. Here were some of my favorite quotes:
- "I used to go by my mother's room every night and see her on her knees every time"
- "The scriptures have never been very important for me" (I assume the speaker was trying to say that they were never a priority)
- "brothers and sisters, I've seen Jesus Christ. I've felt his hands and touched his feet" - said by a missionary ready to go on his mission to Florida.
- "Women of the church are supposed to get married and have babies, not go on missions." - again, said by the young man going on a mission
Those were a couple choice gems from the meeting that really lifted my spirits.
P-day is great. I get to wash my clothes, write on my blog, and then read some letters.
Pray for me
- Elder Gandy
It was a super terrific meeting.
There were some great talks given during sacrament meeting. Here were some of my favorite quotes:
- "I used to go by my mother's room every night and see her on her knees every time"
- "The scriptures have never been very important for me" (I assume the speaker was trying to say that they were never a priority)
- "brothers and sisters, I've seen Jesus Christ. I've felt his hands and touched his feet" - said by a missionary ready to go on his mission to Florida.
- "Women of the church are supposed to get married and have babies, not go on missions." - again, said by the young man going on a mission
Those were a couple choice gems from the meeting that really lifted my spirits.
P-day is great. I get to wash my clothes, write on my blog, and then read some letters.
Pray for me
- Elder Gandy
Angels on the Roof
Okay, the mission has been going great, but I've been so busy going door to door to door to door, that I thought I should write about a really super spiritual experience one of my ancestors had to share my testimony on my missionary blog (the one you're reading right now): angels on the roof of the Kirkland Temple.
This comes from my great, great, great grandpa's journal, Ammon Kingsley:
"In Kirtland, we enjoyed many great blessings, and often saw the power of God manifest. On one occasion I saw angels clothed in white walking upon the Temple. It was during one of our monthly fast meetings, when the Saints were in the Temple worshiping. A little girl came to my door and in wonder called me out, exclaiming: 'The meeting is on top of the meeting house."
I went to the door, and there saw the temple angels clothed in white covering the roof from end to end. They seemed to be walking to and fro; they appeared and disappeared before I realized they were not mortal men. Each time in a moment they vanished, and their reappearance was the same. This was in broad daylight, in the afternoon.
As I was watching the angels on the roof, I noticed in the distant part of the roof that there was not much room left for all the angels, and as one angel (I'll call him Larry) was moving about, he accidentally pushed another angel (I'll call him Thomas) off the roof.
The angle Thomas fell off the roof.
Thomas fell hard. I quickly ran to the side of the building where the angel Thomas had fallen, and in the bushes I heard a raspy voice, "oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack". I didn't know angels could feel pain, but apparently, this is true.
I lept towards the bushes in an attempt to help Thomas, and as I parted the bushes, to my divine surprise, the angel had quickly turned into a cat.
The cat slowly started to walk up to me. It was such a beautiful, heavenly cat, with orange and white spots. I wept like a little girl at the site of this fallen angel cat. I decided then and there that the cat was a gift to me, from Jesus himself, as a token of my faith.
So I took the cat home and named him. I named him Checkers.
Checkers and I became the best of friends. Often, I would ask Checkers what heaven was like, and how many mansions there were there. Checkers never really spoke back outloud with this angel voice, but I could read his little cat mind, and he told me of the fanciest of stories about heaven. I can't wait to go there."
Well, I can't wait to tell you more about Checkers. He was surely a divine, special cat. I know these things are true. I know it so hard. I know these things because I read them in a book. I love my mission, and I love the work I'm doing. Pray for me.
In the name of checker's and his god master, even Jesus Christ, amen.
- your pal,
Elder Gandy
This comes from my great, great, great grandpa's journal, Ammon Kingsley:
"In Kirtland, we enjoyed many great blessings, and often saw the power of God manifest. On one occasion I saw angels clothed in white walking upon the Temple. It was during one of our monthly fast meetings, when the Saints were in the Temple worshiping. A little girl came to my door and in wonder called me out, exclaiming: 'The meeting is on top of the meeting house."
I went to the door, and there saw the temple angels clothed in white covering the roof from end to end. They seemed to be walking to and fro; they appeared and disappeared before I realized they were not mortal men. Each time in a moment they vanished, and their reappearance was the same. This was in broad daylight, in the afternoon.
As I was watching the angels on the roof, I noticed in the distant part of the roof that there was not much room left for all the angels, and as one angel (I'll call him Larry) was moving about, he accidentally pushed another angel (I'll call him Thomas) off the roof.
The angle Thomas fell off the roof.
Thomas fell hard. I quickly ran to the side of the building where the angel Thomas had fallen, and in the bushes I heard a raspy voice, "oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack". I didn't know angels could feel pain, but apparently, this is true.
I lept towards the bushes in an attempt to help Thomas, and as I parted the bushes, to my divine surprise, the angel had quickly turned into a cat.
The cat slowly started to walk up to me. It was such a beautiful, heavenly cat, with orange and white spots. I wept like a little girl at the site of this fallen angel cat. I decided then and there that the cat was a gift to me, from Jesus himself, as a token of my faith.
So I took the cat home and named him. I named him Checkers.
Checkers and I became the best of friends. Often, I would ask Checkers what heaven was like, and how many mansions there were there. Checkers never really spoke back outloud with this angel voice, but I could read his little cat mind, and he told me of the fanciest of stories about heaven. I can't wait to go there."
Well, I can't wait to tell you more about Checkers. He was surely a divine, special cat. I know these things are true. I know it so hard. I know these things because I read them in a book. I love my mission, and I love the work I'm doing. Pray for me.
In the name of checker's and his god master, even Jesus Christ, amen.
- your pal,
Elder Gandy
Problem in the Mission
Well as for people we are working with we have a lot!!! We are very busy. The people we are finding are great people too. Stacey is a woman we found while we were walking around. She was having a yard sale so we went to "Go look around, haha". We gave her a Book of Mormom and in six days she read all the way to Helaman 14. I think she has finished it by now!
This past week we had our monthly zone conference. It was so awesome. I got to see some of my old friends from my first area, and then our mission president had something really important to say to all the Elders of the mission.
During the Zone conference, our mission president came out and asked for the sister missionaries to leave. He had something important that he wanted to talk to the Elders about, and so the Sisters were told to go home.
I was thinking that the Prophet had started the return to Missouri, and the Elders were going to get some special assignments to help build Zion, but alas, this was not the case. Not the case at all. Our Mission President started to talk about something that had been waning on his mind for some time. He said after talking with many Elders, he realized that he needed to say something in Zone conference to all the Elders.
There's an epidemic of masturbation in the mission.
President said that too many Elders had been guilty of self abuse, and that if we were (no I'm not guilty of that sin) that we should repent immediately. Just then, Elder Calhoon stood up in the meeting and started sobbing, and before he could say anything, Elder Johnson got up and started whining about something. They were both crying and saying how they were so sorry, but before they could go on, my mission president said that they should sit down and they should talk to him after the conference and not during the meeting.
Our mission president is so inspired. He said he's going to help the Elders of our mission in two ways.
First, from now on, every Elder will have to clap while in the bathroom. This will help us stay pure and worthy by not hitting the salami. Our comps are supposed to stand next to the door and listen to us clap. (I'm not too happy about this because when my comp goes number 2, it's really stinky, and I don't want to be next to the door, but I'll do what God asks of me).
Second, the president is going to install 'spiritual cameras' in our bedrooms and living rooms so the office elders can monitor our worthiness. He's going to put video cameras in our apartments and then have a new group of office elders constantly watching the video from the mission office. He says that this will help us all in being the most worthy missionaries we can be, and that it's better to have the spiritual cameras installed and operating all the time than to have us sin and be cast out to eternal darkness forever. When he puts it that way, I'm so excited to get the new cameras installed. I do not want to go out into space, yah, even eternal darkness.
Our mission president is so inspired, and I know that he's saying exactly what god wants him to say. I love my mission!!!!
Update: I guess this masturbation problem is cross missions!!! One of my friends serving in the france mission had his mission president talk about the problems of self abuse, too:
This past week we had our monthly zone conference. It was so awesome. I got to see some of my old friends from my first area, and then our mission president had something really important to say to all the Elders of the mission.
During the Zone conference, our mission president came out and asked for the sister missionaries to leave. He had something important that he wanted to talk to the Elders about, and so the Sisters were told to go home.
I was thinking that the Prophet had started the return to Missouri, and the Elders were going to get some special assignments to help build Zion, but alas, this was not the case. Not the case at all. Our Mission President started to talk about something that had been waning on his mind for some time. He said after talking with many Elders, he realized that he needed to say something in Zone conference to all the Elders.
There's an epidemic of masturbation in the mission.
President said that too many Elders had been guilty of self abuse, and that if we were (no I'm not guilty of that sin) that we should repent immediately. Just then, Elder Calhoon stood up in the meeting and started sobbing, and before he could say anything, Elder Johnson got up and started whining about something. They were both crying and saying how they were so sorry, but before they could go on, my mission president said that they should sit down and they should talk to him after the conference and not during the meeting.
Our mission president is so inspired. He said he's going to help the Elders of our mission in two ways.
First, from now on, every Elder will have to clap while in the bathroom. This will help us stay pure and worthy by not hitting the salami. Our comps are supposed to stand next to the door and listen to us clap. (I'm not too happy about this because when my comp goes number 2, it's really stinky, and I don't want to be next to the door, but I'll do what God asks of me).
Second, the president is going to install 'spiritual cameras' in our bedrooms and living rooms so the office elders can monitor our worthiness. He's going to put video cameras in our apartments and then have a new group of office elders constantly watching the video from the mission office. He says that this will help us all in being the most worthy missionaries we can be, and that it's better to have the spiritual cameras installed and operating all the time than to have us sin and be cast out to eternal darkness forever. When he puts it that way, I'm so excited to get the new cameras installed. I do not want to go out into space, yah, even eternal darkness.
Our mission president is so inspired, and I know that he's saying exactly what god wants him to say. I love my mission!!!!
Update: I guess this masturbation problem is cross missions!!! One of my friends serving in the france mission had his mission president talk about the problems of self abuse, too:
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