I'm so glad you're reading this, brothers and sisters... I was very moved during Sacrament meeting this past Sunday. Some large, and a bit smelly, man sat next to me and literally moved me off of the bench. Even though I suffered through tribulation that day, the spirit was still able to touch my heart, yay even penetrating the sulfur smelling mists the large man left wafting in the aisle.
The spirit has asked me to talk about the temple. Often investigators ask me about the temple, and what we Mormons really do in there.
It's so super top-secret that you should really only talk about it late at night with the lights turned off, a blanket over you and your friends, and a flashlight turned on under your chin. Yeah, it's that sacred to us.
But the spirit spoke to me and told me that I should share something about it. Most people already know about the order of the Masons, or the Masonic order, whose rituals, rites, and clothing we use and copy in the temple. But you probably have not heard about the other order, the order of the bakers, which is another order inside the temple, or the Basonic order, as we call it.
The Basonic order is super top-secret as well. So how it goes is this: you learn all the ceremonies and rites to become a master mason in the temple. While they're you are instructed with higher mason truth and Masonic knowledge. You start as a lonely apprentice in a dreary world, as you gain more light and knowledge, you become the rank of journeyman mason. Then, for the last ceremony you finally achieve the rank of master mason. To demonstrate your master knowledge you have to build a very intricate mason brick oven. It's a very sacred ceremony, you wear your sacred apron and sacred hat, and you build your sacred oven with your sacred compass and other sacred tools, like a sacred saw and sacred hammer.
What's the point of building a mason brick oven? A-hah! That's where the order of the Bakers comes in. The Master Bakers wear their sacred aprons and sacred baking hats in the temple and they bake sacred cookies from these sacred mason brick ovens. This is God's plan, you see. From these sacred brick ovens are made sacred cookies that are then given to the members of the ward to deliver to other non-members and non-actives, and any other nons that are out there. The cookies are so delicious and yummy to the taste. It also has been known to put people in a quasi trance, where they can then read their scriptures all night long, sometimes for days. We call this the holy night of the sacred crunchy goodness. It is a very sacred experience for us Mormons.
But wait, it gets better, I promise, because the great Father in Heaven has made an awesome plan for each and everyone of us. For you see, each temple on the earth is made for a particular order. We have the Masonic order, the Basonic order, but there's also the order of the architects, the cloths makers, the furniture makers and basket weavers. On and on and on. Every temple has a special skill, a sacred skill, wear members can go and learn higher light and knowledge. Why? Why all these skills?
Great question and the answer is really very very sane. You see, when Jesus finally comes after the nuclear holocaust where much of the world will be burned to a crisp in temperatures so hot no living thing could possibly survive, someone is going to have to rebuild civilization. But it won't be the old civilization, oh no, they tried and failed. The new cities will be built by Mormons who have this sacred and secret knowledge. This is why there are so many secret orders in the temple, because we are going to build the city of God, the earth's first celestial city, the city of Zion, after the nuclear holocaust.
It's an extraordinary and incredible plan. And the work is rolling forth, back and forth, across the whole world!
Welp, that about does it for me today. What part do you want to play in building Zion? First you have to change your ways, then you need to be baptized by going completely under the water for thirty seconds, then a few more hoops to jump through and you'll be in the temple in no time baking the sacred cookies :)
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
