Jesus Sucks at Math

I was trackting out some houses yesterday when i came across an old man in his house wearing nothing but his white underpants. He saw me and my comp, looked us up and down, then shouted at us, "come in and close the f'n door'.

To which I said, "ok!"

I was so excited because we had been knocking on doors all day, and no one had let us in and we were freezing!!!

Anyway, Grunald, that's the old guy's name sat us down and before we could say anything, he started to tell us about the rest of the story. I said, "Grunald, what is the rest of the story that you keep talking about?"

Then he told me.

"You see, Elders, you haven't heard about the rest of the story with Jesus' first job. Jesus was a sheppard, but he really, really, really sucked at math. In the olden days, before they had math, the sheppards would get dizzy trying to keep track of their flocks.

So one day, Jesus was walking and tending his sheep, the sheep would go, baaa, baaa!!! and that would drive Jesus crazy. Anyway, Jesus counted all his sheep that he was sheeping, 100. He was responsible for 100 sheep. That's the way they did it in those days.

Jesus noticed that on this day, there were only 99 sheep. 1 sheep was missing. Jesus did not know what to do. Should he go and look for the 1 sheep? Or should he make sure the 99 are safe? He did not know what to do.

That's when the story takes a turn for the worst. Jesus, because he sucked at math, decided to go and get the 1 sheep. He left the other 99 to die without him, because they surely would be eaten by the hungry sheep eaters across the way.

Jesus tried to count, he tried and tried, and every time he tried, he came up with 1 being a bigger number than 99. So he left to get the 1. He was gone the whole day trying to get the 1. When he came back, the other 99 were dead. Most of the sheep had been eaten, or run oft.

Then Jesus looked up and down and said, "I am not a very good sheppard at all".

He was fired that very day, and he had to beg for his bread for the rest of his life. He would go to town to town to town begging for bread and telling people tales so they would give him bread.

That's the rest of the story."

I then asked him if he wanted to get baptised. He said no, and I said ok.

A CHRISTmas time

I'm so glad to be apart of the building of Zion. The gospel truly is going to every nation, kindred, and tongue, and religion!! I love being a missionary!!

Last Christmas there was a lot of attention on material things, this year there is nothing but the glow of a few lights, our study materials, and meals made for us by some of the members. This will be a very quiet Christmas.

I'm so, so, so lucky to be here on my mission during CHRISTmas, because really, my real family is my Heavenly Father, and my Heavenly brother, Jesus. That's it. My earth family is awesome, but let's face it, Jesus is truly awesomer.

I get a whole 10 minutes to talk to my earthly family. It's going to be awesome, awesome, great! A whole 10 minutes to tell them exactly how I feel about my super special brother, Jesus, and how he's done so, so, so much for us and we don't ever really thank him.

I'm going to tell my earthly father how much I've learned about my Heavenly Father, and how truly great Heavenly Father is in every single little tiny way, even in the invisible ways, and in the ways we wouldn't think he would be awesome, he is. That's him, that's our Heavenly Father. Gosh I wish I could hug him right now.

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This past week has been a little tough. We've been decorating our place with all kinds of CHRISTmas decorations, and at one time, we had the whole place lit up with lights, but then we couldn't sleep because it was so bright at night, and my companion was yelling at me, "Go unplug 'em, Gandy!"

It hurts sometimes when he calls me that, like I'm not an Elder, because I am, I'm an Elder in the church.

Anyways, I try to not let him get to me. I think tomorrow I'll shine his shoes to show him how much I truly love him. And then I'll swab the kitchen floors and make his breakfast just the way he wants it.

He has me make his breakfast almost every morning. He tells me its making me a good missionary. And then he has me go out and get the morning paper, and then to tie his shoes, make his bed, brush his teeth, and lay out his clothes. He told me that's just what Jesus did, and I want to be just like Jesus, so I'll do it. I'll do it.

Anyways, Merry Christmas!!! And don't forget the reason for the season. And don't forget to write your favorite missionary!!