Jesus Sucks at Math

I was trackting out some houses yesterday when i came across an old man in his house wearing nothing but his white underpants. He saw me and my comp, looked us up and down, then shouted at us, "come in and close the f'n door'.

To which I said, "ok!"

I was so excited because we had been knocking on doors all day, and no one had let us in and we were freezing!!!

Anyway, Grunald, that's the old guy's name sat us down and before we could say anything, he started to tell us about the rest of the story. I said, "Grunald, what is the rest of the story that you keep talking about?"

Then he told me.

"You see, Elders, you haven't heard about the rest of the story with Jesus' first job. Jesus was a sheppard, but he really, really, really sucked at math. In the olden days, before they had math, the sheppards would get dizzy trying to keep track of their flocks.

So one day, Jesus was walking and tending his sheep, the sheep would go, baaa, baaa!!! and that would drive Jesus crazy. Anyway, Jesus counted all his sheep that he was sheeping, 100. He was responsible for 100 sheep. That's the way they did it in those days.

Jesus noticed that on this day, there were only 99 sheep. 1 sheep was missing. Jesus did not know what to do. Should he go and look for the 1 sheep? Or should he make sure the 99 are safe? He did not know what to do.

That's when the story takes a turn for the worst. Jesus, because he sucked at math, decided to go and get the 1 sheep. He left the other 99 to die without him, because they surely would be eaten by the hungry sheep eaters across the way.

Jesus tried to count, he tried and tried, and every time he tried, he came up with 1 being a bigger number than 99. So he left to get the 1. He was gone the whole day trying to get the 1. When he came back, the other 99 were dead. Most of the sheep had been eaten, or run oft.

Then Jesus looked up and down and said, "I am not a very good sheppard at all".

He was fired that very day, and he had to beg for his bread for the rest of his life. He would go to town to town to town begging for bread and telling people tales so they would give him bread.

That's the rest of the story."

I then asked him if he wanted to get baptised. He said no, and I said ok.