I was actively proselyting on the internets yesterday when I came across a person's site that really, really needed the gospel.
Truth is Delicious
He talked all about truth and how people understand truth in the church. That's easy, so I left a comment to tell him exactly what truth is and how to find it.
It's simple, because it comes from above. And by above I mean the attic of the Temple.
From the Temple, we understand the real knowledge of Truth. I call it the Marshmallow Theory of Truth. The Marshmallow theory of truth asserts the following validity claim of knowledge:
Truth is like a Marshmallow; it tastes good. It smells good. And it can help get you friends.
Who doesn't like Marshmallows?
Likewise, when you're camping, you have to place truth, or marshmallows, in between two facts, one on the top, and one on the bottom, of course the facts are graham crackers of reason.
Doing it this way, you have a 'smore' of veracity, which even Satan himself cannot undo.
That's how people see truth. It's simple.
The gospel is all about truth, or marshmallows, that satisfy the soul. Once we understand how yummy and sweet marshmallows can be, we don't ever, ever want to stop eating them. And if we're lucky, we'll be smart enough to use our graham crackers of reason to get a meal from the word of God. It's that simple. Truth is simple, it's not hard. It's soft and white, and sometime after you chew it, it's gummy and delicious.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
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Have you ever tasted Satan's philosophies of men mingled with ice cream cookie sandwich.
ReplyDeleteI sold my soul for one and look all you want,but you will not find a dissatisfied customer around here.
Dear Anonymus,
ReplyDeleteI'm so, so sorry. I could have saved you. I could have saved you...
My mom makes a mean, and I mean mean, ice cream sandwich.
She used to make them in the summer time after we got done getting ready for church by doing our chores on Saturday night.
She'd say to me, "Here's your ice cream sandwich."
I would eat it and run and play and swing in the yard with my arms stretched out kissing the wind.
I did not have to sell my soul for that. I would have only paid around $5 for that sandwich.
But fear not, god can still save you in the spirit world.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
"SHaBaM!!! you just got served..some icecream deliciousness..."
ReplyDeleteWell, that may be true, be being served ice cream from the nether regions, or Satan's domain, is not a dish best served cold.
I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds good.
I'm betting that I can save you, Tony Le'tigre.
Try this. Next time you get a craving to eat your ice cream, read. Read your scriptures. In there, you will find all the deliciousness you need. For it is god's goodness you'll be eating. You'll be sucking from the teet of the Lord.
Then, Pray.
Do that three times and call me in the morning.
Lemme know how it goes. Trust me, it will work. It can even cure the common cold. Read and Pray, works every time.
well thanks for the commnet. i decided to trash the whole paper i was working on and instead just submitted some smores.
ReplyDeleteThe narrator,
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing. You did the right thing...
What's a paper's worth? Not a bag full of smores, that's for sure. Maybe not even two smores.
When we can finally grasp the entire Marshmallow theory of truth with both hands, then we'll see something in us, something fructosy and yummy.
Then, with those hands firmly grasping our Marshmallow, we can partake of its truthy goodness, and we can reflect on it, one bite at a time, to finally see. It's delicious. It's yummy. And it's oh so true and lite.
There's your truth. That's what the gospel is all about. So ask yourself, do you want Marshmallow truthy gummy goodness? Or do you not want it?
As for me and my house, we will serve Marshmallow.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy