Brother Johnson was talking about the ever present threat on families that are happening in society today. He chose to use the metaphor of the tornado that hit recently, and the destruction that it left behind. The damage that was done to the families in its path, and how they will never be the same again.
there are storms in our every day lives that can still leave behind just as much pain and wreckage in our lives, those terrible storms are called: Pornados.
Here's my notes on the talk, feel free to copy them down and pass them out to the youth, especially the young and inactive males.
(elder gandys notes on the talk)
1.How easily it is to get caught up into a Pornado.
2.How to be saved by getting into the root cellar of the lord (the church and its members)
3.How to survive by eating the pickled preserves of the lord (scriptures and fast offerings, and some chicken).
Pornados are super dangerous. What is a Pornado? Simple. A Pornado is when a young man or some inactive, or otherwise active male of the church accidentally clicks on a spam ad in his email. It's starts very innocently enough. One click on something you had no real idea what it was, like - hey, it's me - in the subject line of your email. Then you click on it, and before you know it, you're starting at a full breasted sweedish woman with bosoms the size of school buses.
Then the Pornado hits. Suddenly, all of a sudden, you start clicking and clicking on any dirty picture in sight, click, click, click, click, click, oh no!!! you're in a Pornado, click, click, click, click, then, like in a flash, there's a release and your keyboard is sticky, you're in the eye of the storm.
But before you can get out, you've reached the end of the eye, and you're caught up into the Pornado's rath again: click, click, click, click, click, more bosoms, more legs and succulent sweedish women licking their lips at you, click, click, click...it is finished....
You've just been spiritually stabbed to spiritual death by Stan's evil ways, and you don't even realize it.
Brothers and Sisters, don't ever get caught up in a Pornado - say no to them and sing songs in your head all day.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
Pornados are super dangerous. What is a Pornado? Simple. A Pornado is when a young man or some inactive, or otherwise active male of the church accidentally clicks on a spam ad in his email. It's starts very innocently enough. One click on something you had no real idea what it was, like - hey, it's me - in the subject line of your email. Then you click on it, and before you know it, you're starting at a full breasted sweedish woman with bosoms the size of school buses.
Then the Pornado hits. Suddenly, all of a sudden, you start clicking and clicking on any dirty picture in sight, click, click, click, click, click, oh no!!! you're in a Pornado, click, click, click, click, then, like in a flash, there's a release and your keyboard is sticky, you're in the eye of the storm.
But before you can get out, you've reached the end of the eye, and you're caught up into the Pornado's rath again: click, click, click, click, click, more bosoms, more legs and succulent sweedish women licking their lips at you, click, click, click...it is finished....
You've just been spiritually stabbed to spiritual death by Stan's evil ways, and you don't even realize it.
Brothers and Sisters, don't ever get caught up in a Pornado - say no to them and sing songs in your head all day.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
I admit. I was caught up in a pornado the size of Texas once. Larry, my home teacher, was always whispering to me through the good ghost that if you ever let the pornado touch ground, you're headed straight for oz - the spiritual paradise/prison of mythic legend told between deacons at sacrament. It's bad man's land.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I tasted the pornado, and it will leave you breathless.
- The lollipop kid. (John Tumberline)
"you're headed straight for oz - the spiritual paradise/prison of mythic legend told between deacons at sacrament. It's bad man's land."
ReplyDeleteJesus Christ I hope this is not true. However, after seeing some of the deacons pass the sacrament with their left hand instead of their right hand, I'm beginning to suspect that they have been caught in a Pornado. Why else take the sacrament with the left hand?
It is immorality in our day and age that will be the destruction of this generation. But I don't know - should I be happy there is so much evil in the world because Jesus will come sooner?
I think so. So maybe all these Pornados is a sign of the time, and that's a good thing, right?
I think so. I'll have to work double hard to make sure the Deacons are caught up in more Pornados so Jesus comes sooner. I need my hug!!
Pray for me, lollipop kid -
Elder Gandy
You are crazy as shit. Grow up, use your mind and think for yourself.
ReplyDeleteI was in a pornado, once. It was a strange thing. I thought I was going on a missionary trip to mexico, with friends and family from the church.
ReplyDeleteOnce we arrived, things were going as planned. We were reorganizing and revitalizing a town destroyed by gang violence and poor government. We were talking to the people, getting them to trust us, and believe in the good news we brought! In fact, I gained a few new friends during my visit. We worked during the day, and played in the evenings. We were so close, some of my friends invited me into a larger town, outside the village were the mission was. I was very excited to see how some of my friends lived.
This was a mistake.
We were driven to the town by one of my new friend's fathers. He was a gruff man, who didn't speak english at all. He brought us to the town square, were you could see most of the houses and shops. He took me and my friend, I'll call him Julio, to a shop that he owned. I'm not sure exactly what is was, I think it was a bar. I couldn't tell because he took us through the back entrance, down to the basement, or what you would call a "root cellar". The room was dark and dank. I don't think the room was used for anything other than storing old junk from above. He took us to a dark area of the room, where I couldn't see much. What I could see, though, was more than enough for me to know what was about to happen would change my life forever. There was a large camera, pointed down towards a tired mattress on the dirty floor. I was afraid for my life at this point, but I didn't try to escape; from what I could understand, Julio's father was packing a loaded gun. He looked like the kind of person that would use it.
There, Julio's father made me and Julio lie on the bed together. Julio was crying. He made us take off our shoes, as to not mess up the mattress. As we laid there, he turned on the camera, and walked away for a moment.
When he came back, is when I knew I was in for something I have never taken part of in my life. Julio's father moved closer and closer to us on the mattress, ever so slowly putting his hands behind his back, as to pull something from behind his person. I could tell my eyes getting wider.
As Julio's father got close enough to touch us, he pulled what he had from behind his back out and was beginning to hand what he had to us.
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. So large, so magnificent! There were more than one, two actually. One for me, and one for Julio. They were - ice cream cones! Oh, me and Julio screamed with excitement. Ice cream is a treat in Mexico, and apparently Julio is not offered ice cream often. As we sat there, eating our ice cream, Julio's father stopped the recording, and said something in spanish, which Julio told me, "That was great, I can't wait to post your faces on YouTube, or america's funniest home videos!"
After we finished up and cleaned the mess from our faces, me and Julio raced out of the basement to the streets of the town. It was there that we saw the pornado! An elderly man was screaming in the city, with his clothes off, completely naked in the town square. He was screaming spanish gibberish while the townspeople tried to calm him down.
I asked Julio what this was, and he told me, "Oh, that is just Pornado, he is the town crazy person."
After staring at Pornado for a few seconds, me and Julio left the town with his father, back to the mission. Safe and sound!