I know, I know. You're sitting there thinking to yourself, what the heck is Elder Gandy writing about this time?
I'll tell you what he's writing about; he's writing about the greatest lesson ever told. He's writing about how to influence people and get them to be your friends. He's writing about missionary work.
You see, whenever I'm in teaching mode at a stranger's house, I tell them the most profound spiritual lesson I can. And it goes something like this:
Many, many years ago, before the invention of the motor car, there was a man, a great man with silver lined golden hair, blue eyes that burned like the underbelly of the bright sun, and teeth that were straight as fence posts. That man, no, that incredible man's name was Joseph Smith.
Now let me tell you something, sir (talking to the stranger as I sit on his chair in his house) That man created the greatest religion of all time. And he got people to work, days and days and days, on his church for free. Not just for free, but he got them to pay 10% (and if their really, really righteous, 20%) of all their income to his church. How did, I said how did he do that?
Easy. Joseph Smith was the modern day Tom Sawyer.
You see, Joseph and Tom are very, very similar. Tom Sawyer had to paint a fence. But he didn't want to. It was hard, and the fence smelled. So he had an idea; he would get others to paint the fence for him, and he would not only get them to do the work, he would have them pay to do it. That's right, the workers paid Tom to paint his fence.
How did he do it? Easy. He did it through the spirit.
The spirit knows all. And it knows a good deal when it sees it. Good deals are true, and they are delicious to the taste. So when Joseph Smith had to build his church, he convinced all these people to build it for him, but not only to build it with their own time and resources, but to pay Joseph 10% of all their income, too.
Genius.
That's why Joseph Smith and Tom Sawyer are the greatest minds that have existed in the Western Hemisphere since Sir Albert Einstein. I myself am doing the Prophet Smith proud. I not only work everyday knocking on doors trying to build his church, but I also pay for my expenses out of my own pocket. And on top of that, I make sure to pay 10% of all the money my parents send me to survive to Joseph's Church.
Mormons were the first Hippies
Sometimes as a missionary for my church I find myself having to teach people some and simple truths.
Joseph Smith was the first hippie. That is a scientific fact. He was a true prophet and he started a counterculture to the status quo of his day and age. He built an intentional community of like-minded individuals where they could practice their alternative lifestyles as they saw fit. They were hippies.
Mormons were the first hippies.
Under the Prophet's direction, they established a new community where the Prophet told us how to live and how to treat each other. It was beautiful. True, the Prophet did establish a new order of marriage, where he could marry many women, but like all true and great men, he found the current trend of one man to one wife to be limiting and not very with the changing times.
He did it. And then his predeccesors moved outside of the United States in order to practice their alternative lifestyle. They formed communities outside the mainstream America and built a system where people truly loved each other.
I am a 5th generation Mormon. I come from this line of counter-culture revolutionaries. And I am so proud of my hippie fore-fathers.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Joseph Smith was the first hippie. That is a scientific fact. He was a true prophet and he started a counterculture to the status quo of his day and age. He built an intentional community of like-minded individuals where they could practice their alternative lifestyles as they saw fit. They were hippies.
Mormons were the first hippies.
Under the Prophet's direction, they established a new community where the Prophet told us how to live and how to treat each other. It was beautiful. True, the Prophet did establish a new order of marriage, where he could marry many women, but like all true and great men, he found the current trend of one man to one wife to be limiting and not very with the changing times.
He did it. And then his predeccesors moved outside of the United States in order to practice their alternative lifestyle. They formed communities outside the mainstream America and built a system where people truly loved each other.
I am a 5th generation Mormon. I come from this line of counter-culture revolutionaries. And I am so proud of my hippie fore-fathers.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
What do Mormons do in Temples
Dear Elder Gandy,
I've been seeing all these temples around, and I know that Mormons go to these temples, but what exactly do Mormons do in temples? - truthfully yours, Mindy Meyers
Dear Sister Meyers,
That is such a great question. What do Mormons do in Temples? Well, what don't they do!! Just kidding, Mormons (of which I am) do many things in the temple, but I'm going to talk about one thing that I really find to be worthy of note.
Temples are for making cookies
If you know of any Mormons, or you have met some, it's only a matter of time until they stop by your house and drop off a plate of cookies. Yum. I know what you're thinking, "did he just say cookies". Yes, I did.
You see, cookies have a spiritual significance for Mormons. Back in the pioneer days, when the Mormons were crossing the plains into the Salt Lake City, they were all out of food. They only had a few cookies left in their treasure chests. So, knowing that they were about to die because they didn't pack much food for their journey, they prayed.
And boy did they pray. They prayed so hard that God answered their prayers. The treasure chest was full of cookies, overflowing to feed all the pioneers until the next spring when they could plant crops.
What does that have to do with the temple?
In the Mormon Temples, they have special baking ceremonies where they make cookies in a special ceremony. It's not secret, it's sugary goodness. And they bake and bake. They bake all night in the temple (the spires are so tall because they are actually chimneys where smoke comes out from the giant ovens). And they bake all the cookies all the time, all day and night long.
You wouldn't believe it, but inside the Temples it's a lot like Willy Wonka's factory, except for chocolate, it's a giant cookie factory.
Then, when Mormons find a new recruit that they want to join the club, they send out a cookie patrol to bring you a fresh baked plate of cookies straight from the special temple ceremonies. Don't worry, they've been blessed. The cookies are made special just for you.
That's what Mormons do in Temples.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
I've been seeing all these temples around, and I know that Mormons go to these temples, but what exactly do Mormons do in temples? - truthfully yours, Mindy Meyers
Dear Sister Meyers,
That is such a great question. What do Mormons do in Temples? Well, what don't they do!! Just kidding, Mormons (of which I am) do many things in the temple, but I'm going to talk about one thing that I really find to be worthy of note.
Temples are for making cookies
If you know of any Mormons, or you have met some, it's only a matter of time until they stop by your house and drop off a plate of cookies. Yum. I know what you're thinking, "did he just say cookies". Yes, I did.
You see, cookies have a spiritual significance for Mormons. Back in the pioneer days, when the Mormons were crossing the plains into the Salt Lake City, they were all out of food. They only had a few cookies left in their treasure chests. So, knowing that they were about to die because they didn't pack much food for their journey, they prayed.
And boy did they pray. They prayed so hard that God answered their prayers. The treasure chest was full of cookies, overflowing to feed all the pioneers until the next spring when they could plant crops.
What does that have to do with the temple?
In the Mormon Temples, they have special baking ceremonies where they make cookies in a special ceremony. It's not secret, it's sugary goodness. And they bake and bake. They bake all night in the temple (the spires are so tall because they are actually chimneys where smoke comes out from the giant ovens). And they bake all the cookies all the time, all day and night long.
You wouldn't believe it, but inside the Temples it's a lot like Willy Wonka's factory, except for chocolate, it's a giant cookie factory.
Then, when Mormons find a new recruit that they want to join the club, they send out a cookie patrol to bring you a fresh baked plate of cookies straight from the special temple ceremonies. Don't worry, they've been blessed. The cookies are made special just for you.
That's what Mormons do in Temples.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
Brothers and Sisters
I gave a talk today in sacrament meeting. It was good. It was about my first month as an LDS missionary. Here's a summary:
Good afternoon brothers and sisters. I never thought I'd make it here today. But, here I am. I am here today to tell you about something super sweet and special. Jesus. You see, brothers and sisters, Jesus is the 'key' to the gospel.
Usually, when I teach people in their homes, they don't really know who Jesus is, so I tell them. Jesus is the 'key', and then I show them my keys to the car I drive. The key unlocks the doors to the car, and then, when you insert the key, you can then turn on the car.
Like the key, Jesus can turn on our engines. He can even rev up our engines, if you will.
(Right in the middle of the talk, I felt prompted by the spirit to change what I was saying midsentence)
Brothers and Sisters, I feel a special feeling that the spirit wants me to say something, something really, really important to someone out there that's listening. I can feel the spirit work through me know...coming up...up to my throat...coming up now....here it is.......
"Do not seek the treasure. Do not seek the treasure. The Eagle is on the Table. The Eagle is on the Table. THE BISHOP'S DAUGHTER IS NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES."
After saying that, I was so overcome by the spirit that I fainted backwards, hitting my head on the wooden chairs right behind me. I started crying and wailing.
It hurt bad, but the spirit had to say what he had to say. I had a big bump on my head the rest of the day (and I kinda threw up all over the bishop because I was so dizzy after hitting my head, but it's ok because he said he could get his clothes dry cleaned).
The spirit is awesome.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Good afternoon brothers and sisters. I never thought I'd make it here today. But, here I am. I am here today to tell you about something super sweet and special. Jesus. You see, brothers and sisters, Jesus is the 'key' to the gospel.
Usually, when I teach people in their homes, they don't really know who Jesus is, so I tell them. Jesus is the 'key', and then I show them my keys to the car I drive. The key unlocks the doors to the car, and then, when you insert the key, you can then turn on the car.
Like the key, Jesus can turn on our engines. He can even rev up our engines, if you will.
(Right in the middle of the talk, I felt prompted by the spirit to change what I was saying midsentence)
Brothers and Sisters, I feel a special feeling that the spirit wants me to say something, something really, really important to someone out there that's listening. I can feel the spirit work through me know...coming up...up to my throat...coming up now....here it is.......
"Do not seek the treasure. Do not seek the treasure. The Eagle is on the Table. The Eagle is on the Table. THE BISHOP'S DAUGHTER IS NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES."
After saying that, I was so overcome by the spirit that I fainted backwards, hitting my head on the wooden chairs right behind me. I started crying and wailing.
It hurt bad, but the spirit had to say what he had to say. I had a big bump on my head the rest of the day (and I kinda threw up all over the bishop because I was so dizzy after hitting my head, but it's ok because he said he could get his clothes dry cleaned).
The spirit is awesome.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Mission Update
Life in the Mission
IT's so so great here!! As you talk to everyone you start to find out everyone is related to everyone!! Someone's boyfriend's sisters aunt's uncles' one legged dogs owner. Or something like that, it's just so funny to me!!!
But the work is already beginning to get rollin here!!! We got a set for baptism this passed week!!!!! He is set for August 2nd, he's in a part-member family and they came to church on Sunday and Had a really good time!!!
It had me on pins and needles before church started because we start at 10 and there was about 20 people in the chapel. I was like darn it, but then through the opening hymn and announcements I looked around and saw two of our investigators and three of our less-active families that we had worked with this passed week!!!
So the sunday turned out to be a really good one!!! This week should be pretty busy as well, we have Zone conference on Tuesday, with our Area 70 visiting, so it should be really good, of course they always are really good. Things are going great here!!!!
Help with sins with the new Purity Reports
Our Mission President is giving us a new assignment: no sins of the heart, and no sins of action. Basically, like Jesus says, if you even think of a sin, it is a sin. Our wonderfull and inspired Mission President wants us all to be so so pure, and to help us, he's established a new protocol: Purity Reports.
All companions have to fill out a Purity Report every night. In the report, we are supposed to let our President know of any sins or transgressions are companions have made during the day. Doing this will grant us the freedom from Sin, and help us all be better missionaries.
This has already transformed the mission. With so many reports coming in everyday, the President had to get 25 new office elders to handle the new work load; it's already paying off!!! The President says that sins are way down, and the spirit is stronger then ever.
I feel so, so good. like I'm really doing the work good and strong. I try not to sin, because my companion is watching, always watching, but I really don't want to sin at all, so no probs.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
IT's so so great here!! As you talk to everyone you start to find out everyone is related to everyone!! Someone's boyfriend's sisters aunt's uncles' one legged dogs owner. Or something like that, it's just so funny to me!!!
But the work is already beginning to get rollin here!!! We got a set for baptism this passed week!!!!! He is set for August 2nd, he's in a part-member family and they came to church on Sunday and Had a really good time!!!
It had me on pins and needles before church started because we start at 10 and there was about 20 people in the chapel. I was like darn it, but then through the opening hymn and announcements I looked around and saw two of our investigators and three of our less-active families that we had worked with this passed week!!!
So the sunday turned out to be a really good one!!! This week should be pretty busy as well, we have Zone conference on Tuesday, with our Area 70 visiting, so it should be really good, of course they always are really good. Things are going great here!!!!
Help with sins with the new Purity Reports
Our Mission President is giving us a new assignment: no sins of the heart, and no sins of action. Basically, like Jesus says, if you even think of a sin, it is a sin. Our wonderfull and inspired Mission President wants us all to be so so pure, and to help us, he's established a new protocol: Purity Reports.
All companions have to fill out a Purity Report every night. In the report, we are supposed to let our President know of any sins or transgressions are companions have made during the day. Doing this will grant us the freedom from Sin, and help us all be better missionaries.
This has already transformed the mission. With so many reports coming in everyday, the President had to get 25 new office elders to handle the new work load; it's already paying off!!! The President says that sins are way down, and the spirit is stronger then ever.
I feel so, so good. like I'm really doing the work good and strong. I try not to sin, because my companion is watching, always watching, but I really don't want to sin at all, so no probs.
Pray for me,
Elder Gandy
Why Do LDS Missionaries Wear the Same Clothes?
Dear Elder Gandy,
Why do LDS Missionaries wear the Same Clothes? Every LDS missionary I've seen always wears the white shirt and black pants. Why? Is there some kinda strict dress code you have to follow? What if you don't want to wear those clothes? - Minnie S.
My Dear Minnie,
Yes, it's true. LDS Missionaries have to wear the same clothes. They usually wear a white shirt, black pants, a black name tag, a tie, black socks, and some business shoes. Why do we have to wear this?
LDS missionaries are just like the Three Amigos
I'll answer that with a question. Have you ever seen the movie, The Three Amigos? In that movie, you will find your answer. To make a long story short, three amigos, or three friends to us english speakers, had to fight the infamous El Guapo, who was a very evil man set on destroying a small town and eating all of its goats.
But the Three Amigos stood up to El Guapo. How did they do this? Easy, with a trick. The Three Amigos had everyone in the town make costumes just like theirs. So every single person in the town looked just like one of the Three Amigos.
When El Guapo came to town to get the three amigos, they were shocked at seeing all of the 'Amigos' in the town running around, shooting, and going up the stairs. They couldn't believe their eyes, so they kinda went insane. In the process, the town's people shot and killed El Guapo and his men.
What does this have to do with LDS missionaries?
I hope you can see now why every single missionary wears the same clothes. We're all in on a really large trick. We do it to fight El Guapo, or his boss, Satan. You see, in every town, and in every village, you will find LDS missionaries. And in every town, and in every village, they are all dressed the same!
Isn't it wonderful!! We do it so when Satan appears in a town or a village, he'll be like, "No way, I just saw you LDS Missionaries in the other town?! You can't be here and there! Ahhh, I'm going insane!!"
Bam. Dead. We got him. Tricked him so, so hard.
That's why we all dress the same. Just like the Three Amigos, we will shock the Satan. We will get him. And he will be fooled by our clothes and he'll never ever know we're all different people on the inside.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Why do LDS Missionaries wear the Same Clothes? Every LDS missionary I've seen always wears the white shirt and black pants. Why? Is there some kinda strict dress code you have to follow? What if you don't want to wear those clothes? - Minnie S.
My Dear Minnie,
Yes, it's true. LDS Missionaries have to wear the same clothes. They usually wear a white shirt, black pants, a black name tag, a tie, black socks, and some business shoes. Why do we have to wear this?
LDS missionaries are just like the Three Amigos
I'll answer that with a question. Have you ever seen the movie, The Three Amigos? In that movie, you will find your answer. To make a long story short, three amigos, or three friends to us english speakers, had to fight the infamous El Guapo, who was a very evil man set on destroying a small town and eating all of its goats.
But the Three Amigos stood up to El Guapo. How did they do this? Easy, with a trick. The Three Amigos had everyone in the town make costumes just like theirs. So every single person in the town looked just like one of the Three Amigos.
When El Guapo came to town to get the three amigos, they were shocked at seeing all of the 'Amigos' in the town running around, shooting, and going up the stairs. They couldn't believe their eyes, so they kinda went insane. In the process, the town's people shot and killed El Guapo and his men.
What does this have to do with LDS missionaries?
I hope you can see now why every single missionary wears the same clothes. We're all in on a really large trick. We do it to fight El Guapo, or his boss, Satan. You see, in every town, and in every village, you will find LDS missionaries. And in every town, and in every village, they are all dressed the same!
Isn't it wonderful!! We do it so when Satan appears in a town or a village, he'll be like, "No way, I just saw you LDS Missionaries in the other town?! You can't be here and there! Ahhh, I'm going insane!!"
Bam. Dead. We got him. Tricked him so, so hard.
That's why we all dress the same. Just like the Three Amigos, we will shock the Satan. We will get him. And he will be fooled by our clothes and he'll never ever know we're all different people on the inside.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Really Real Truth
I was actively proselyting on the internets yesterday when I came across a person's site that really, really needed the gospel.
Truth is Delicious
He talked all about truth and how people understand truth in the church. That's easy, so I left a comment to tell him exactly what truth is and how to find it.
It's simple, because it comes from above. And by above I mean the attic of the Temple.
From the Temple, we understand the real knowledge of Truth. I call it the Marshmallow Theory of Truth. The Marshmallow theory of truth asserts the following validity claim of knowledge:
Truth is like a Marshmallow; it tastes good. It smells good. And it can help get you friends.
Who doesn't like Marshmallows?
Likewise, when you're camping, you have to place truth, or marshmallows, in between two facts, one on the top, and one on the bottom, of course the facts are graham crackers of reason.
Doing it this way, you have a 'smore' of veracity, which even Satan himself cannot undo.
That's how people see truth. It's simple.
The gospel is all about truth, or marshmallows, that satisfy the soul. Once we understand how yummy and sweet marshmallows can be, we don't ever, ever want to stop eating them. And if we're lucky, we'll be smart enough to use our graham crackers of reason to get a meal from the word of God. It's that simple. Truth is simple, it's not hard. It's soft and white, and sometime after you chew it, it's gummy and delicious.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
Truth is Delicious
He talked all about truth and how people understand truth in the church. That's easy, so I left a comment to tell him exactly what truth is and how to find it.
It's simple, because it comes from above. And by above I mean the attic of the Temple.
From the Temple, we understand the real knowledge of Truth. I call it the Marshmallow Theory of Truth. The Marshmallow theory of truth asserts the following validity claim of knowledge:
Truth is like a Marshmallow; it tastes good. It smells good. And it can help get you friends.
Who doesn't like Marshmallows?
Likewise, when you're camping, you have to place truth, or marshmallows, in between two facts, one on the top, and one on the bottom, of course the facts are graham crackers of reason.
Doing it this way, you have a 'smore' of veracity, which even Satan himself cannot undo.
That's how people see truth. It's simple.
The gospel is all about truth, or marshmallows, that satisfy the soul. Once we understand how yummy and sweet marshmallows can be, we don't ever, ever want to stop eating them. And if we're lucky, we'll be smart enough to use our graham crackers of reason to get a meal from the word of God. It's that simple. Truth is simple, it's not hard. It's soft and white, and sometime after you chew it, it's gummy and delicious.
Pray for me,
- Elder Gandy
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