What the Luke and Leia kiss teaches about eternal marriage

This is from a talk I gave last week in sacrament meeting: 

One of the most profound memories of my youth was watching Luke and Leia kiss on the big screen. It was magical, and I didn't realize it then, but there are some incredible gospel truths in that kiss.

For you see, Luke and Leia skywalker learned that they were actually brother and sister, which is a type and shadow for us of higher, more noble truthiness.

We are all brothers and sisters, children of our Heavenly Parents. This is an undeniable gospel truth. And it brings me great comfort to know that even though my earthly father beat me something unmercifull as a child for "being an idiot" I know my real Father in Heaven would never treat me like you did, Dad!

Anyway, when we men merry their spouse, they're actually marring thier sister. And we all know what happens when you get married, you're no longer VL, or virgin lips, to the Gentiles. Like Luke and Leia showed us, it is perfectly fine and acceptable to kiss our sisters.

Brothers marrying sisters is a holy order because we are all sons and daughters of god. This is why when you go to church on Sunday you call them brother Johnson, or sister gandy, so on and so forths. We are all related. Kin is kin. 

I'm so glad to have a father in heaven who loves me and has provided so many wonderful righteous sisters for me to marry when I get home from my mission. 

Amen.

Glad Tidings and Good Cheer!

I'm filling so full of something right now. To the brim. Full of the spirit and of gratitude to my Father who arts in Heaven, because you see a little miracle happened this past week in my life. 

My mom wrote me an email telling me that my earthly father, George Gandy, had come back to church last Sunday. 

My Dad had been inactive for over five long years. He left because he was insulted by a miamaid who criticized his potato casserole during a ward potluck. The miamaid, whom I will not name, said, and I quote, "you call that a casserole?!" With such disdain and condescension that it made my Dad so enraged he walked right out the church doors and never came back. 

Until last Sunday. 

My heart and innards are so full of thankfulness and happiness for my Dad coming back. Now he won't dwell in perpetual dirty mud in the outhouses of heaven, a place we call outside darkness. 

Welcome back to the sheep, Dad. 

The sacred work in the temple

I'm so glad you're reading this, brothers and sisters... I was very moved during Sacrament meeting this past Sunday. Some large, and a bit smelly, man sat next to me and literally moved me off of the bench. Even though I suffered through tribulation that day, the spirit was still able to touch my heart, yay even penetrating the sulfur smelling mists the large man left wafting in the aisle.

The spirit has asked me to talk about the temple. Often investigators ask me about the temple, and what we  Mormons really do in there. 

It's so super top-secret that  you should really only talk about it late at night with the lights turned off, a blanket over you and your friends, and a flashlight turned on under your chin. Yeah, it's that sacred to us.

But the spirit spoke to me and told me that I should share something about it. Most people already know about the order of the Masons, or the Masonic order, whose rituals, rites, and clothing we use and copy in the temple. But you probably have not heard about the other order, the order of the bakers, which is another order inside the temple, or the Basonic order, as we call it.

The Basonic order is super top-secret as well. So how it goes is this: you learn all the ceremonies and rites to become a master mason in the temple. While they're you are instructed with higher mason truth and Masonic knowledge. You start as a lonely apprentice in a dreary world, as you gain more light and knowledge, you become the rank of journeyman mason. Then, for the last ceremony you finally achieve the rank of master mason. To demonstrate your master knowledge you have to build a  very intricate mason brick oven. It's a very sacred ceremony, you wear your sacred apron and sacred hat, and you build your sacred oven with your sacred compass and other sacred tools, like a sacred saw and sacred hammer. 

What's the point of building a mason brick oven? A-hah! That's where the order of the Bakers comes in. The Master Bakers wear their sacred aprons and sacred baking hats in the temple and they bake sacred cookies from these sacred mason brick ovens. This is God's plan, you see. From these sacred brick ovens are made sacred cookies that are then given to the members of the ward to deliver to other non-members and non-actives, and any other nons that are out there. The cookies are so delicious and yummy to the taste. It also has been known to put people in a quasi trance, where they can then read their scriptures all night long, sometimes for days. We call this the holy night of the sacred crunchy goodness. It is a very sacred experience for us Mormons.

But wait, it gets better, I promise, because the great Father in Heaven has made an awesome plan for each and everyone of us. For you see, each temple on the earth is made for a particular order. We have the Masonic order, the Basonic order, but there's also the order of the architects, the cloths makers, the furniture makers and basket weavers. On and on and on. Every temple has a special skill, a sacred skill, wear members can go and learn higher light and knowledge. Why? Why all these skills? 

Great question and the answer is really very very sane. You see, when Jesus finally comes after the nuclear holocaust where much of the world will be burned to a crisp in temperatures so hot no living thing could possibly survive, someone is going to have to rebuild civilization. But it won't be the old civilization, oh no, they tried and failed. The new cities will be built by Mormons who have this sacred and secret knowledge. This is why there are so many secret orders in the temple, because we are going to build the city of God, the earth's first celestial city, the city of Zion, after the nuclear holocaust.

It's an extraordinary and incredible plan. And the work is rolling forth, back and forth, across the whole world!

Welp, that about does it for me today. What part do you want to play in building Zion? First you have to change your ways, then you need to be baptized by going completely under the water for thirty seconds, then a few more hoops to jump through and you'll be in the temple in no time baking the sacred cookies :) 

Pray for me,

Elder Gandy

I'm alive...barely

I just wanted the blogger universe to know that I'm alive, and that I'm still a missionary!!!! Thank you, Jesus!!! Jesus is my older brother and probably the best friend I have, or ever had.

You see, I was in a car accident, a terrible car accident while driving with my companion, Elder Rogers. We were traveling down a very fast road when right in the middle of our trip, I felt the spirit soooooo strongly that I needed to pray, right then, on my knees in humble prayer. And Elder Rogers needed to as well. Elder Rogers felt the spirit as strong as I did and we both knew that was the thing to do right then.

Unfortunately, as we both went to our knees, the car was still traveling at 70 mph. As I got to my knees in the car, I knew Stan was tempting my faith by seeing whether or not I would comply with the promptings of Spirit. As I was getting on my knees, I unbuckled my seat belt, which Elder Rogers did as well, and then I let go of the steering wheel and bowed my head as I went to my knees.

As I was doing so, my right shoulder bumped the steering wheel sending us flying off an embankment in the middle of the road at 70 mph. As we were descending towards chaos, I lifted my voice unto Heaven and yelled at the top of my lungs, "Jesus, take the wheel!!!"

He did. Sorta.

The car flipped and rolled 3 times. I was knocked unconscious. Elder Rogers broke both of his legs and lost some hearing in his right ear, but he was ok and finished his mission, but I wasn't so lucky.

I was in a coma.

I was in a coma for 3 years, subsisting on water and nutrition from an IV. It took me 3 years to wake up, but when I did, I told my parents to forget enrolling me at BYU. I begged my parents to send me back out into the mission field, and after I told them of my dreams while I was in a coma, they relented. I contacted my new mission president and he said to come back. So here I am, Alive! Praise be to Joseph Smith!!

Pray for me,

Elder Gandy

Mormons add to your beliefs, not take away

I love, love, love that our church adds to people's belief, not take away. That's something that I do day-to-day-to-day everyday here as a missionary.

"Let you come to our church and see what we can add to your beliefs, we won't take away your beliefs or stomp on them, we'll add to them, like a puzzle. It's fun!"
- President Gordon B. Hinckley

You see, our church adds to people's beliefs in a kinda different way than what you think. When people come to our church and want to be members, we simply ask them to talk to the missioanries. The missionaries (that's me) would then sit them down and start to tell them what to believe, in a sense, 'adding' to what they already know, line upon line, letters upon letters.

How do we do this? Simple. When the missionaries visit you, they'll tell you what to believe, letter upon letter, then we'll tell you to stop believing the things you use to believe. In this sense, we 'add' to what you believe, but first, we have to 'subtract' everything you use to believe, and then the sum total is your new beliefs! It's fun!

Now, for the next step, you have to 'divide' the number of beliefs you have by the sum total of the new beliefs you are going to have. This will give you your 'net ratio' of beliefs to non-beliefs, or 'past beliefs' as we call them in the church. For the last step, you just have to 'multiply' your new beliefs with the amount of tithing you're going to pay for the rest of your days, so that would n10%, so the formula for new beliefs is as follows:

New Mormon Belief Formula:
Ωbeliefs ÷ ∆beliefs x n10% = ∑ ∞Jesus ∆power

That's it. We don't take away anything, as you can obviously see for yourself.

Pray for me,

- Elder Gandy

The Testimony and the Care Bear Stare!

I was trackting out some apartments yesterday with my comp. It was a little cold, but we put on our coats and headed on out to do some good work. We knocked and knocked and knocked for the Lord. But alas, no one answered. But one.

His name was Joshua, a 30-something latino with a definitive accent. I couldn't quite make out what he was saying at times, although he was willing to listen to us go on and on about Jesus.

Then finally Joshua started going off about how the Mormon church was founded by a treasure hunter, which I quickly started humming a hymn in order to drown out his evil words.

But then it hit me: Care Bear Stare!

You see, you cannot destroy evil, or make it smell bad, only by the power of your own testimony (which is how we won the great skirmish in Heaven of 00'). You have to really, really, really stare, or bear, your testimony: Chest Out! And Bear!!! To this day, when church members go up to the pulpit on Fast and Testimony Sunday, they usually say, "I'd like to Bear my testimony," in solemn acknowledgment of the work the Care Bears have done for all Truth Bearers.

This is also why the Care Bear's did so well as a popular 80s cartoon; it preaches the eternal truths of dealing with unarmed combatants and soothsayers by using magical Testimony Powers. The Care Bear Stare Technology was a decisive advantage with the war on evil, and it continues to this day to be a powerful tool to fighting Stan and his forces.

The creators of the Care Bear's were actually acquainted with Testimony Technology through their contacts with church members in the late 70s and early 80s. They then used this same powerful force to teach kids every where how to defend themselves if they were ever in a dangerous situation.

I used my Testimony Powers against Joshua that night, and after 15 minutes of Powerful Testimony using the Care Bear Stare Technology, Joshua finally succumbed and told us he would go to our church on Sunday.

I just know he'll show up!!

Pray for me,

Elder Gandy

My Mission is my 2nd Childhood

Ahhh, to be young again...yup, I'm living the dream; I'm living my 2nd childhood here in the mission field.

You see, my Mission President is my father, or Papa - and his wife - Mama. It's wonderful!! We get to eat all together for Christmas at Papa President's house. Mama President is there, with their wonderful family. We all sing and play games together, and then we get to eat some Christmas turkey, sometimes there's marshmallows there for me to eat :-)

It's great, because my Papa President tells me where to live, gives me my monthly allowance, tells me how to comb my hair, when to sleep, when to get up, who my friends will be and my house buddy (companion). It's wonderful!! Then we all get together as a big family during zone conferences and we get up and just cry and cry about how much we love each other, and our brother Jesus, and how we like to sign songs about Jesus.

It's wonderful. And then, Papa President meets with me at least once a month all on my own. We talk about life and about how I'm doing. He tells me stories about people long ago and what they did so they pleased Jesus. They're the best stories you've ever heard. After the stories, he asks if I masterbate at all, and then gives me a big hug when I tell him that I don't (although I do hear funny noises coming from my companions bed at night sometimes).

Living my 2nd childhood is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's wonderful!! I don't have any responsibility; I can focus 110% on doing what I'm told to do, everyday. And it feels so good!!

Don't you wish you could serve a mission and live your 2nd childhood? You can, if you decide to get baptized. Do you want to get baptized?

Pray for me,

Elder Gandy

I was caught in a Pornado

I wanted to share with you an incredible and spiritual sacrament talk I heard this past Sunday. Brother Johnson, the 2nd counselor and a man in his mid forties with streaks of gray in his dark brown hair, was giving a talk on something super duper important.

Brother Johnson was talking about the ever present threat on families that are happening in society today. He chose to use the metaphor of the tornado that hit recently, and the destruction that it left behind. The damage that was done to the families in its path, and how they will never be the same again.

there are storms in our every day lives that can still leave behind just as much pain and wreckage in our lives, those terrible storms are called: Pornados.

Here's my notes on the talk, feel free to copy them down and pass them out to the youth, especially the young and inactive males.

(elder gandys notes on the talk)

1.How easily it is to get caught up into a Pornado.

2.How to be saved by getting into the root cellar of the lord (the church and its members)

3.How to survive by eating the pickled preserves of the lord (scriptures and fast offerings, and some chicken).

Pornados are super dangerous. What is a Pornado? Simple. A Pornado is when a young man or some inactive, or otherwise active male of the church accidentally clicks on a spam ad in his email. It's starts very innocently enough. One click on something you had no real idea what it was, like - hey, it's me - in the subject line of your email. Then you click on it, and before you know it, you're starting at a full breasted sweedish woman with bosoms the size of school buses.

Then the Pornado hits. Suddenly, all of a sudden, you start clicking and clicking on any dirty picture in sight, click, click, click, click, click, oh no!!! you're in a Pornado, click, click, click, click, then, like in a flash, there's a release and your keyboard is sticky, you're in the eye of the storm.

But before you can get out, you've reached the end of the eye, and you're caught up into the Pornado's rath again: click, click, click, click, click, more bosoms, more legs and succulent sweedish women licking their lips at you, click, click, click...it is finished....

You've just been spiritually stabbed to spiritual death by Stan's evil ways, and you don't even realize it.

Brothers and Sisters, don't ever get caught up in a Pornado - say no to them and sing songs in your head all day.

Pray for me,

Elder Gandy

The Three Nephites

I know, I know, I'm only supposed to share super secret special spiritual moments amongst close friends, or in the ensign, but I couldn't help but share this one.

The night the three Nephites saved my life.

This happened before my mission. It was a cold and stormy night, like most nights when something awful is about to happen, and something awful did happen. I got a flat tire.

You see, getting a flat tire on the side of the road is one of the most scariest things that can happen to a person, because as we all know, there's usually trickery afoot when there's a flat tire (yes, the workings of satan) because as we're all taught from our parents, satan has control of three things: the water, flat tires, and the Chinese.

So there I was, sitting outside of my driveway on the street trying to go to early morning seminary when my tire was flat. I did not know what to do. I remembered those childhood stories my mother told me about flat tires and satan, how he's always on the prowl to find the right tire to deflate, and today he found mine.

Just then, like a miracle, my car starting bumping and jostling, I didn't know what it was and I was scared!!! Could it be the prince of the dark? Someone, or something, was out there, doing something with the tires.

I started to defog my window because it was foggy, and out in the distance, I could scarcely see an image of a personage surrounded by light. But I was so sacred, I yelled at the person through the window, "get away from my car, Stan!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs (stan is my mom's name for Satan, so it doesn't give him power when we call his real name).

Just then, I slammed on the gas and my wheels started peeling out, making a sharp schreeching sound. Then, as the wheels started moving, I rolled over something. Right then, an awful sound came from one of the three Nephites, "GAARRHHH my F###ing leg!!!!" "You ran over my F###ing leg you idiot!!!""

It wasn't the three Nephites after all!! It was my Dad trying to put some fix it flat in my tire (sorry dad). I accidentally rolled over his foot when I slammed on the gas.

And that was the one of the most spiritual stories of my life (please only retell this when you feel the spirit prompts you with special feelings in your body). I just thought I should share this for some reason on the internets, hopefully it will help someone get baptized.

Pray for me,

Elder Gandy

Jesus Sucks at Math

I was trackting out some houses yesterday when i came across an old man in his house wearing nothing but his white underpants. He saw me and my comp, looked us up and down, then shouted at us, "come in and close the f'n door'.

To which I said, "ok!"

I was so excited because we had been knocking on doors all day, and no one had let us in and we were freezing!!!

Anyway, Grunald, that's the old guy's name sat us down and before we could say anything, he started to tell us about the rest of the story. I said, "Grunald, what is the rest of the story that you keep talking about?"

Then he told me.

"You see, Elders, you haven't heard about the rest of the story with Jesus' first job. Jesus was a sheppard, but he really, really, really sucked at math. In the olden days, before they had math, the sheppards would get dizzy trying to keep track of their flocks.

So one day, Jesus was walking and tending his sheep, the sheep would go, baaa, baaa!!! and that would drive Jesus crazy. Anyway, Jesus counted all his sheep that he was sheeping, 100. He was responsible for 100 sheep. That's the way they did it in those days.

Jesus noticed that on this day, there were only 99 sheep. 1 sheep was missing. Jesus did not know what to do. Should he go and look for the 1 sheep? Or should he make sure the 99 are safe? He did not know what to do.

That's when the story takes a turn for the worst. Jesus, because he sucked at math, decided to go and get the 1 sheep. He left the other 99 to die without him, because they surely would be eaten by the hungry sheep eaters across the way.

Jesus tried to count, he tried and tried, and every time he tried, he came up with 1 being a bigger number than 99. So he left to get the 1. He was gone the whole day trying to get the 1. When he came back, the other 99 were dead. Most of the sheep had been eaten, or run oft.

Then Jesus looked up and down and said, "I am not a very good sheppard at all".

He was fired that very day, and he had to beg for his bread for the rest of his life. He would go to town to town to town begging for bread and telling people tales so they would give him bread.

That's the rest of the story."

I then asked him if he wanted to get baptised. He said no, and I said ok.

Mormon stories and Tom Sawyer

I know, I know. You're sitting there thinking to yourself, what the heck is Elder Gandy writing about this time?

I'll tell you what he's writing about; he's writing about the greatest lesson ever told. He's writing about how to influence people and get them to be your friends. He's writing about missionary work.

You see, whenever I'm in teaching mode at a stranger's house, I tell them the most profound spiritual lesson I can. And it goes something like this:

Many, many years ago, before the invention of the motor car, there was a man, a great man with silver lined golden hair, blue eyes that burned like the underbelly of the bright sun, and teeth that were straight as fence posts. That man, no, that incredible man's name was Joseph Smith.

Now let me tell you something, sir (talking to the stranger as I sit on his chair in his house) That man created the greatest religion of all time. And he got people to work, days and days and days, on his church for free. Not just for free, but he got them to pay 10% (and if their really, really righteous, 20%) of all their income to his church. How did, I said how did he do that?

Easy. Joseph Smith was the modern day Tom Sawyer.

You see, Joseph and Tom are very, very similar. Tom Sawyer had to paint a fence. But he didn't want to. It was hard, and the fence smelled. So he had an idea; he would get others to paint the fence for him, and he would not only get them to do the work, he would have them pay to do it. That's right, the workers paid Tom to paint his fence.

How did he do it? Easy. He did it through the spirit.

The spirit knows all. And it knows a good deal when it sees it. Good deals are true, and they are delicious to the taste. So when Joseph Smith had to build his church, he convinced all these people to build it for him, but not only to build it with their own time and resources, but to pay Joseph 10% of all their income, too.

Genius.

That's why Joseph Smith and Tom Sawyer are the greatest minds that have existed in the Western Hemisphere since Sir Albert Einstein. I myself am doing the Prophet Smith proud. I not only work everyday knocking on doors trying to build his church, but I also pay for my expenses out of my own pocket. And on top of that, I make sure to pay 10% of all the money my parents send me to survive to Joseph's Church.

Mormons were the first Hippies

Sometimes as a missionary for my church I find myself having to teach people some and simple truths.

Joseph Smith was the first hippie. That is a scientific fact. He was a true prophet and he started a counterculture to the status quo of his day and age. He built an intentional community of like-minded individuals where they could practice their alternative lifestyles as they saw fit. They were hippies.

Mormons were the first hippies.

Under the Prophet's direction, they established a new community where the Prophet told us how to live and how to treat each other. It was beautiful. True, the Prophet did establish a new order of marriage, where he could marry many women, but like all true and great men, he found the current trend of one man to one wife to be limiting and not very with the changing times.

He did it. And then his predeccesors moved outside of the United States in order to practice their alternative lifestyle. They formed communities outside the mainstream America and built a system where people truly loved each other.

I am a 5th generation Mormon. I come from this line of counter-culture revolutionaries. And I am so proud of my hippie fore-fathers.

Pray for me,

- Elder Gandy

What do Mormons do in Temples

Dear Elder Gandy,

I've been seeing all these temples around, and I know that Mormons go to these temples, but what exactly do Mormons do in temples? - truthfully yours, Mindy Meyers

Dear Sister Meyers,

That is such a great question. What do Mormons do in Temples? Well, what don't they do!! Just kidding, Mormons (of which I am) do many things in the temple, but I'm going to talk about one thing that I really find to be worthy of note.

Temples are for making cookies

If you know of any Mormons, or you have met some, it's only a matter of time until they stop by your house and drop off a plate of cookies. Yum. I know what you're thinking, "did he just say cookies". Yes, I did.

You see, cookies have a spiritual significance for Mormons. Back in the pioneer days, when the Mormons were crossing the plains into the Salt Lake City, they were all out of food. They only had a few cookies left in their treasure chests. So, knowing that they were about to die because they didn't pack much food for their journey, they prayed.

And boy did they pray. They prayed so hard that God answered their prayers. The treasure chest was full of cookies, overflowing to feed all the pioneers until the next spring when they could plant crops.

What does that have to do with the temple?

In the Mormon Temples, they have special baking ceremonies where they make cookies in a special ceremony. It's not secret, it's sugary goodness. And they bake and bake. They bake all night in the temple (the spires are so tall because they are actually chimneys where smoke comes out from the giant ovens). And they bake all the cookies all the time, all day and night long.

You wouldn't believe it, but inside the Temples it's a lot like Willy Wonka's factory, except for chocolate, it's a giant cookie factory.

Then, when Mormons find a new recruit that they want to join the club, they send out a cookie patrol to bring you a fresh baked plate of cookies straight from the special temple ceremonies. Don't worry, they've been blessed. The cookies are made special just for you.

That's what Mormons do in Temples.

Pray for me,

Elder Gandy

Brothers and Sisters

I gave a talk today in sacrament meeting. It was good. It was about my first month as an LDS missionary. Here's a summary:

Good afternoon brothers and sisters. I never thought I'd make it here today. But, here I am. I am here today to tell you about something super sweet and special. Jesus. You see, brothers and sisters, Jesus is the 'key' to the gospel.

Usually, when I teach people in their homes, they don't really know who Jesus is, so I tell them. Jesus is the 'key', and then I show them my keys to the car I drive. The key unlocks the doors to the car, and then, when you insert the key, you can then turn on the car.

Like the key, Jesus can turn on our engines. He can even rev up our engines, if you will.

(Right in the middle of the talk, I felt prompted by the spirit to change what I was saying midsentence)

Brothers and Sisters, I feel a special feeling that the spirit wants me to say something, something really, really important to someone out there that's listening. I can feel the spirit work through me know...coming up...up to my throat...coming up now....here it is.......

"Do not seek the treasure. Do not seek the treasure. The Eagle is on the Table. The Eagle is on the Table. THE BISHOP'S DAUGHTER IS NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES."

After saying that, I was so overcome by the spirit that I fainted backwards, hitting my head on the wooden chairs right behind me. I started crying and wailing.

It hurt bad, but the spirit had to say what he had to say. I had a big bump on my head the rest of the day (and I kinda threw up all over the bishop because I was so dizzy after hitting my head, but it's ok because he said he could get his clothes dry cleaned).

The spirit is awesome.

Pray for me,

- Elder Gandy

Mission Update

Life in the Mission

IT's so so great here!! As you talk to everyone you start to find out everyone is related to everyone!! Someone's boyfriend's sisters aunt's uncles' one legged dogs owner. Or something like that, it's just so funny to me!!!

But the work is already beginning to get rollin here!!! We got a set for baptism this passed week!!!!! He is set for August 2nd, he's in a part-member family and they came to church on Sunday and Had a really good time!!!

It had me on pins and needles before church started because we start at 10 and there was about 20 people in the chapel. I was like darn it, but then through the opening hymn and announcements I looked around and saw two of our investigators and three of our less-active families that we had worked with this passed week!!!

So the sunday turned out to be a really good one!!! This week should be pretty busy as well, we have Zone conference on Tuesday, with our Area 70 visiting, so it should be really good, of course they always are really good. Things are going great here!!!!

Help with sins with the new Purity Reports

Our Mission President is giving us a new assignment: no sins of the heart, and no sins of action. Basically, like Jesus says, if you even think of a sin, it is a sin. Our wonderfull and inspired Mission President wants us all to be so so pure, and to help us, he's established a new protocol: Purity Reports.

All companions have to fill out a Purity Report every night. In the report, we are supposed to let our President know of any sins or transgressions are companions have made during the day. Doing this will grant us the freedom from Sin, and help us all be better missionaries.

This has already transformed the mission. With so many reports coming in everyday, the President had to get 25 new office elders to handle the new work load; it's already paying off!!! The President says that sins are way down, and the spirit is stronger then ever.

I feel so, so good. like I'm really doing the work good and strong. I try not to sin, because my companion is watching, always watching, but I really don't want to sin at all, so no probs.

Pray for me,

Elder Gandy

Why Do LDS Missionaries Wear the Same Clothes?

Dear Elder Gandy,

Why do LDS Missionaries wear the Same Clothes? Every LDS missionary I've seen always wears the white shirt and black pants. Why? Is there some kinda strict dress code you have to follow? What if you don't want to wear those clothes? - Minnie S.

My Dear Minnie,

Yes, it's true. LDS Missionaries have to wear the same clothes. They usually wear a white shirt, black pants, a black name tag, a tie, black socks, and some business shoes. Why do we have to wear this?

LDS missionaries are just like the Three Amigos

I'll answer that with a question. Have you ever seen the movie, The Three Amigos? In that movie, you will find your answer. To make a long story short, three amigos, or three friends to us english speakers, had to fight the infamous El Guapo, who was a very evil man set on destroying a small town and eating all of its goats.

But the Three Amigos stood up to El Guapo. How did they do this? Easy, with a trick. The Three Amigos had everyone in the town make costumes just like theirs. So every single person in the town looked just like one of the Three Amigos.

When El Guapo came to town to get the three amigos, they were shocked at seeing all of the 'Amigos' in the town running around, shooting, and going up the stairs. They couldn't believe their eyes, so they kinda went insane. In the process, the town's people shot and killed El Guapo and his men.

What does this have to do with LDS missionaries?

I hope you can see now why every single missionary wears the same clothes. We're all in on a really large trick. We do it to fight El Guapo, or his boss, Satan. You see, in every town, and in every village, you will find LDS missionaries. And in every town, and in every village, they are all dressed the same!

Isn't it wonderful!! We do it so when Satan appears in a town or a village, he'll be like, "No way, I just saw you LDS Missionaries in the other town?! You can't be here and there! Ahhh, I'm going insane!!"

Bam. Dead. We got him. Tricked him so, so hard.

That's why we all dress the same. Just like the Three Amigos, we will shock the Satan. We will get him. And he will be fooled by our clothes and he'll never ever know we're all different people on the inside.

Pray for me,

- Elder Gandy

Really Real Truth

I was actively proselyting on the internets yesterday when I came across a person's site that really, really needed the gospel.

Truth is Delicious

He talked all about truth and how people understand truth in the church. That's easy, so I left a comment to tell him exactly what truth is and how to find it.

It's simple, because it comes from above. And by above I mean the attic of the Temple.

From the Temple, we understand the real knowledge of Truth. I call it the Marshmallow Theory of Truth. The Marshmallow theory of truth asserts the following validity claim of knowledge:

Truth is like a Marshmallow; it tastes good. It smells good. And it can help get you friends.

Who doesn't like Marshmallows?

Likewise, when you're camping, you have to place truth, or marshmallows, in between two facts, one on the top, and one on the bottom, of course the facts are graham crackers of reason.

Doing it this way, you have a 'smore' of veracity, which even Satan himself cannot undo.

That's how people see truth. It's simple.

The gospel is all about truth, or marshmallows, that satisfy the soul. Once we understand how yummy and sweet marshmallows can be, we don't ever, ever want to stop eating them. And if we're lucky, we'll be smart enough to use our graham crackers of reason to get a meal from the word of God. It's that simple. Truth is simple, it's not hard. It's soft and white, and sometime after you chew it, it's gummy and delicious.

Pray for me,

- Elder Gandy

Elder Gandy: Super Missionary

Hello, I'm Elder Gandy, Super Missionary.

That's right, you heard me, Super Missionary.

Why? Cuz I did it, I got my very own baptism yesterday, or dunk, as we missies say. It was a beautiful thing, lemme tell you about it.

Meeting Jolie

Jolie is the very young daughter of Rachel and Mark. Both of whom were really nice, but obviously not prepared for the Lord's true calling, a member of the church.

But they were nice enough to let me teach Jolie, the smartest 8 year old I have ever met. She was a tough sell, as we missionaries say, but well worth it.

The Super Spiritual Experience

My comp and I were visiting Rachel and Mark this past weekend, and while we were there, I bore my testimony super, super hard. It was so hard in fact, that almost everyone was crying, or zoning out, sometimes I can't see so good.

As I was bearing my testimony with a special sauce, I could feel the spirit working inside me, so I just let go and let the spirit talk through me, right to Jolie. In my usual spiritual fashion, I let my eyes roll back into the top of my head, and lifted half of my body off of the ground and put my chest into the air. My arms started to rise up and float next to my body, and I let go.

I let the spirit speak this time. It was truly a gift from God. My voice started to shrill and get higher and higher, and my comp was flicking the lights on and off while I started speaking in my shrill voice:

JOLIEEEEE!!! THOU SHALT BE BAPTIZED INTO MY CHUUUURRRCHH!! THE ONLY TRUEE CHURCH OF GODDDDD!! DO IT OR BE DAMNED BY THE ANGEL WITH THE SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD!!

the spirit was so strong.

Just then, my comp turned the lights off and made a dash to Jolie, where he stood above her and used a flashlight to shine light on his face. He said he was the destroying angel, and if she didn't get baptized, he would take the sword of angel vengeance and visit upon her and her family.

The spirit was really, really strong.

After that, I turned on the lights and saw tears pouring down from Jolies face. She looked at me in my eyes and said, "I'll do it. I'll get baptized."

I knew right then that god answers prayers. Not always on our time table, and maybe not ever in this life, but they are answered. Hard.

Pray for me

- Elder Gandy: Super Missionary

Happy Father's Day!

I attended church yesterday and I thought a lot about my father, not really my imperfect, tired, sometimes drunk on cupcakes, earthly father, but my heavenly father. Heavnely Father is perfect in every way, and he will never, ever touch you in your bathing suit area at night when the lights are out. Ever.

It was a super terrific meeting.

There were some great talks given during sacrament meeting. Here were some of my favorite quotes:

- "I used to go by my mother's room every night and see her on her knees every time"

- "The scriptures have never been very important for me" (I assume the speaker was trying to say that they were never a priority)

- "brothers and sisters, I've seen Jesus Christ. I've felt his hands and touched his feet" - said by a missionary ready to go on his mission to Florida.

- "Women of the church are supposed to get married and have babies, not go on missions." - again, said by the young man going on a mission

Those were a couple choice gems from the meeting that really lifted my spirits.

P-day is great. I get to wash my clothes, write on my blog, and then read some letters.

Pray for me

- Elder Gandy

Angels on the Roof

Okay, the mission has been going great, but I've been so busy going door to door to door to door, that I thought I should write about a really super spiritual experience one of my ancestors had to share my testimony on my missionary blog (the one you're reading right now): angels on the roof of the Kirkland Temple.

This comes from my great, great, great grandpa's journal, Ammon Kingsley:

"In Kirtland, we enjoyed many great blessings, and often saw the power of God manifest. On one occasion I saw angels clothed in white walking upon the Temple. It was during one of our monthly fast meetings, when the Saints were in the Temple worshiping. A little girl came to my door and in wonder called me out, exclaiming: 'The meeting is on top of the meeting house."

I went to the door, and there saw the temple angels clothed in white covering the roof from end to end. They seemed to be walking to and fro; they appeared and disappeared before I realized they were not mortal men. Each time in a moment they vanished, and their reappearance was the same. This was in broad daylight, in the afternoon.

As I was watching the angels on the roof, I noticed in the distant part of the roof that there was not much room left for all the angels, and as one angel (I'll call him Larry) was moving about, he accidentally pushed another angel (I'll call him Thomas) off the roof.

The angle Thomas fell off the roof.

Thomas fell hard. I quickly ran to the side of the building where the angel Thomas had fallen, and in the bushes I heard a raspy voice, "oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack". I didn't know angels could feel pain, but apparently, this is true.

I lept towards the bushes in an attempt to help Thomas, and as I parted the bushes, to my divine surprise, the angel had quickly turned into a cat.

The cat slowly started to walk up to me. It was such a beautiful, heavenly cat, with orange and white spots. I wept like a little girl at the site of this fallen angel cat. I decided then and there that the cat was a gift to me, from Jesus himself, as a token of my faith.

So I took the cat home and named him. I named him Checkers.

Checkers and I became the best of friends. Often, I would ask Checkers what heaven was like, and how many mansions there were there. Checkers never really spoke back outloud with this angel voice, but I could read his little cat mind, and he told me of the fanciest of stories about heaven. I can't wait to go there."

Well, I can't wait to tell you more about Checkers. He was surely a divine, special cat. I know these things are true. I know it so hard. I know these things because I read them in a book. I love my mission, and I love the work I'm doing. Pray for me.

In the name of checker's and his god master, even Jesus Christ, amen.

- your pal,

Elder Gandy